How to Help Your Teen or Young Adult Get Unstuck: 3 Steps to Build Momentum

By Erin Verdis & Chris Adang, founders of Extraordinary Purpose

You know there’s more in your child than what you’re seeing right now. You see their talent, their heart, and the possibilities ahead of them. But they’re putting things off, spending hours on their phone, or saying they’ll get started soon. Conversations about school, college, internships, or work keep ending in frustration. And sometimes, you miss simply enjoying each other without their future sitting in the middle of every conversation.

We hear this from parents every week, and we’ve felt it as parents of four ourselves. We know how quickly “I want to help” can become another reminder. Underneath it all, you want your child to feel good about themselves and believe they can move forward.

As the year winds down, it’s tempting to think, “Let’s get through the holidays. We’ll start fresh in January.” But a meaningful beginning can happen now. In our Extraordinary Purpose Podcast episode about getting unstuck, we shared three steps to help young people get unstuck—and help parents support them with more connection and less frustration.

How to help your teen or young adult get unstuck: Help them notice what matters to them, recognize what gets in the way, and choose one small, meaningful step. Give them space to own that step, then reflect together on what they learned.

When Your Teen or Young Adult Feels Stuck, Start With Connection

When your child isn’t moving forward, it’s easy to assume they don’t care. Yet we often hear how much they do care. They want an internship but doubt what they can offer. They want independence but don’t trust themselves to make the right decision.

You may see the procrastination without hearing the conversation happening inside their head. Self-doubt, exhaustion, unclear direction, and fear of getting it wrong can all make starting difficult. That’s why we get curious about what’s underneath the behavior. We explore this in why your teen or young adult has no motivation—and what parents can do. Here, we’re focusing on how to help them begin.

Before offering advice, try opening with something personal: “I know we’ve been talking a lot about what you need to do. I’d really like to understand how things are feeling for you.” Then listen. You don’t need to solve everything they share. Feeling heard can make room for a more honest conversation about what comes next. If you’re feeling frustrated, take a moment to settle yourself first. Your concern is understandable, and you’ll have more room to listen when you aren’t trying to resolve their entire future in one conversation.

Why Our Approach Begins With Who They Are

At Extraordinary Purpose, we begin with your child’s signature ingredients: their values, strengths, passions, interests, relationships, and curiosities. These give them something personal to build from. As they understand themselves, they can explore opportunities and make choices with a clearer sense of what fits.

“Get an internship” becomes more meaningful when a young adult knows what they want to learn and what they can contribute. “Get involved” becomes easier to connect with when a teen discovers a group built around something they enjoy. Our Extraordinary Purpose Framework brings this together: Self-Discovery & Identity → Direction & Purpose → Action & Ownership. As young people practice making choices that reflect what matters to them, they begin building an empowered identity: a stronger sense of who they are, what they value, and how they want to show up. The three steps below help them put that growth into practice.

The bigger goal: They’re learning how to return to what matters when life pulls them off track. That’s a skill they can carry into college, work, relationships, and the future they’re creating.

Step 1: Help Them Notice What Matters to Them

Before asking for a plan, make room for your teen or young adult to explore what they want more of in their life. It might be feeling stronger, earning their own money, finding people they connect with, or exploring a career that interests them. Direction often begins with a personal desire to change something—not a complete answer to “What are you going to do with your life?”

Choose a relaxed moment, perhaps on a walk or in the car, and ask one question: “What’s something you’d like to feel better about over the next few months?” Give them time to answer. If they mention an idea, ask what interests them about it. Resist turning that first spark into a list of everything they should do.

If they say, “I don’t know,” start smaller. What have they enjoyed lately? What catches their attention? What would they like to try if they didn’t need to be good at it immediately? They’re collecting clues about themselves. An interest can be worth exploring even if it never becomes a career.

A question to try: “What’s one thing you’d like to move toward because it matters to you?”

Explore more questions in how to help your teen or young adult find purpose and direction.

Step 2: Help Them Notice What Gets in the Way

Once they identify something meaningful, get curious about what makes starting hard. In the episode, we talked about two environments: what’s happening around a young person and what’s happening within them. Around them might be notifications, an overloaded schedule, or no time set aside to focus. Within them might be comparison, self-criticism, or thoughts such as, “I’m already behind, so why bother?”

Erin shared an example of a college student preparing for internships. This young woman was involved in leadership roles and activities, yet struggled to make time for her own next steps. She was getting exhausted, criticizing herself for what she hadn’t done, and putting it off again. Understanding that pattern helped them identify a practical adjustment: dedicated focus blocks for internship preparation.

Ask, “When you think about getting started, what feels hardest?” Something that looks straightforward can feel overwhelming when they’re unsure where to begin. Understanding the obstacle helps you offer support that fits.

If they’re open to it, encourage a brief pause before a task: slow down, take a comfortable breath, and notice what they’re thinking. Recognizing “I might get rejected” as a thought gives them a chance to choose what to do next. They can feel uncertain and still draft one email. Sometimes the next useful adjustment is practical, too: rest, a quieter place to work, clearer instructions, or help breaking the task down.

Step 3: Choose One Small Step and Make Space for It

“Figure out your career” is too big to act on this afternoon. “Spend 20 minutes exploring one job you’re curious about” gives a young adult somewhere to begin. “Make more friends” can feel intimidating. “Find the next meeting of one campus group” turns that hope into something concrete.

Help them choose an action connected to what they care about, then ask when they want to do it. A focus block is a short period reserved for one meaningful task. Fifteen or twenty minutes can be a starting point, adjusted to their capacity. They might put their phone elsewhere, open the document in advance, and decide what they’ll work on before the block begins.

An example of the three steps

What matters: “I want an internship where I can explore work I’m interested in.”

What gets in the way: “I’m worried I’m not qualified, so I keep avoiding the outreach.”

The first step: “Tuesday at 4 p.m., I’ll spend 20 minutes drafting one email to ask about an opportunity.”

Your support: “Would you like me to read it afterward, or would you prefer to work through it yourself?”

Agree on when to check back, then give them room to try. When you reconnect, ask what they learned and what needs adjusting. Even discovering that a path isn’t a good fit gives them useful information. Self-discovery and action work together: they learn about themselves by trying things, then use what they learn to choose their next step.

A young person who thinks, “I never follow through,” can begin collecting different evidence: “I made time. I asked a question. I did something that mattered to me.” That’s how a small action can become part of a bigger shift in how they see themselves.

As Chris said in the episode: “You don’t have to do it all. You just gotta get started.”

Stay in Their Corner While They Practice Ownership

One of our favorite questions from the episode is, “What do you need from me?” Their answer might be encouragement, a ride, help thinking something through, or more space. Asking gives your child practice naming the support they need and gives you a chance to help without guessing.

We know stepping back can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels easier to send the email, find the opportunity, or make the plan yourself. But leaving room for them to try helps them build experience they’ll need when you aren’t there. With older teens, responsibility can grow gradually alongside clear expectations. With adult children, respect their decisions and be open about boundaries around your support.

Keep making room for ordinary connection, too. Go for a walk. Share a meal. Ask about something they enjoy without using it as a doorway into a discussion about goals. You want them to feel that you enjoy who they are today, even while you’re supporting who they’re becoming. Our guide to when to step in and when to step back explores that balance.

Something they may need to hear: “I believe in you. You don’t have to have every answer right now, and you can ask for help along the way.”

A Simple Weekly Check-In to Try This Weekend

Ask whether they’d be open to a short weekly check-in. Choose a time together and keep it relaxed—ten minutes may be enough. These four questions give the conversation a useful shape:

1. What went well this week?
2. What mattered to you, and what got in the way?
3. What’s one small step you want to take next week—and when?
4. What support would you like from me?

Let them choose the step. The following week, review what happened with curiosity. If they didn’t do it, explore what needs adjusting. If they did, recognize the specific effort: they made time, asked for help, or tried something unfamiliar. You can share a goal and a challenge of your own, too. We all need practice getting back on track. If the same step keeps going undone, revisit whether it matters to them, whether it’s realistic, and whether they need a different kind of support. More reminders may leave the actual obstacle untouched.

If they decline the check-in, leave the invitation open and keep investing in connection. This works best as a conversation they participate in, rather than another obligation you’re managing for them.

What Could Begin to Change Before the New Year?

Imagine your young adult exploring two career possibilities instead of feeling they must choose their entire future. Your college student setting aside regular time for internship applications. Your teen finding an activity they look forward to. Or the two of you having a conversation that ends with greater understanding instead of another argument.

Think of the next 90 days as a window for practice and possibility. Your child doesn’t need to become a different person by a deadline. They can use the coming weeks to explore an interest, build one supportive routine, and learn how to begin again after an off day. Starting now gives them something to build on when January arrives—and this process can begin at any time of year.

Questions Parents Ask About Helping Teens and Young Adults Get Unstuck

How can I help my teen or young adult when they have no direction?

Start with their strengths, values, interests, and curiosities. Invite them to explore one possibility through research, a conversation, or an experience. Direction can develop as they learn; they don’t need a complete life plan to begin.

How do I support them without nagging or taking over?

Agree together on the support they want and when you’ll check in. Let them own the action while keeping clear expectations about shared responsibilities. Ask what they learned before offering a solution, and keep making time together that has nothing to do with their progress.

What if they won’t open up to me?

Keep building connection beyond conversations about their future. Give them space, offer support, and stay interested in their everyday life. They may feel more comfortable beginning with another trusted adult, mentor, or coach. You still matter deeply.

Can life coaching help a teen or young adult who feels stuck?

Life coaching can provide space to understand themselves, explore direction, and build habits and accountability around meaningful goals. Fit depends on their needs and willingness to participate. A discovery call is an opportunity to talk through that together.

You Don’t Have to Figure Out the Next Step Alone

Sometimes another trusted adult helps a young person say out loud what they’ve been carrying around. Coaching can give them space to sort through those ideas and challenges, with support to act on what they discover.

Our life coaching for teens and high school students and life coaching for young adults and college students bring together self-discovery, direction, practical habits, and personalized accountability. Our life coaching for parents helps you strengthen communication, navigate boundaries, and reconnect with yourself along the way.

We’re Erin and Chris, parents of four and coaches with more than 20 years of combined experience. Based in Ann Arbor, Michigan, we support families nationwide through online coaching. This work matters deeply to us. We want young people to discover what makes them who they are, build lives they feel connected to, and know how to keep moving through challenges. And we want you to feel supported as you walk beside them.

Schedule a complimentary discovery call with us. Tell us what you’re seeing, what you’ve tried, and what you hope could change. We’ll talk about your child’s needs, your questions, and whether our coaching is a good fit.

Discover who you are. Create your direction. Become who you want to be.