How to Help Your Teen or Young Adult Set Goals and Take Action

Help them discover what matters, create their direction, and make meaningful progress over the next 90 days.

By Erin Verdis and Chris Adang, founders of Extraordinary Purpose

You can see so much possibility in your teen or young adult. You know they have strengths, interests, and something to offer. But when you ask about their goals, you might hear, “I don’t know.” Or they have ideas—getting a job, improving their grades, making friends, getting healthier—but those ideas never seem to turn into action. You want to help, yet you’re tired of feeling like the one who has to keep everything moving.

We understand that feeling. We’re Erin and Chris, founders of Extraordinary Purpose and parents of four. We’re navigating these years with our own kids, too. As parents and coaches, we care about more than whether a young person completes a task. We want them to feel connected to their life, recognize what they’re capable of, and begin making choices they believe in.

To help your teen or young adult set goals and take action, start with what matters to them. Help them choose one meaningful goal, turn it into a small action they can schedule, and create a weekly check-in where they can reflect and adjust. Underneath that practical process is something deeper: helping them discover who they are and who they want to become.

Start With Identity Before You Start With Goals

It’s easy to begin with what needs to change: the missing assignments, the unfinished applications, the afternoons disappearing into a phone. Those concerns matter. But if every conversation begins with what they aren’t doing, a young person can start hearing that their life is a list of problems to solve. There needs to be room to discover their strengths, what energizes them, and what they want more of in their life.

At Extraordinary Purpose, our framework is Discover Who You Are. Create Your Direction. Become Who You Want to Be. Our three pillars—Self-Discovery & Identity, Direction & Purpose, and Action & Ownership—connect the inner work of understanding yourself with the everyday practice of moving forward. You don’t need to finish discovering yourself before taking action. Each new experience can teach you something about who you are.

We call these their signature ingredients—their values, strengths, passions, interests, experiences, and the qualities others recognize in them. Maybe they’re naturally creative, care deeply about helping others, or become energized when solving a problem. Feedback from a teacher, coach, friend, or employer can help them recognize strengths they’ve overlooked. As they begin bringing these ingredients together, they can ask, “What could I do with this part of myself?” That gives goal-setting a more personal foundation.

Start with a conversation that feels like curiosity rather than an evaluation. Ask, “When do you feel most like yourself?” or “What’s something you’d like to try?” A teen who cares about creativity might want to learn photography. A college student who values connection might want to find a community. Those answers give you somewhere meaningful to begin.

The deeper question: What would this goal help them express, experience, or discover about themselves?

Help Them Choose a Goal That Feels Like Theirs

A goal becomes more useful when a young person can explain why it matters to them. “Get better grades” might feel like another parental expectation. “Understand chemistry so I feel less overwhelmed in class” gives the same work a personal purpose. “Get a job” becomes more meaningful when it connects to earning money for something they value, gaining independence, or exploring an interest.

Ask, “What would you like to feel better about over the next few months?” Then help them choose one goal they’re willing to practice working toward. It could involve school, friendships, health, work, or exploring their future. Everyday responsibilities still matter, and parents can maintain appropriate expectations. Alongside those responsibilities, give them space to choose something of their own.

If your young adult has no clear direction, exploration itself can be the goal. They could learn about two careers, try a short course, volunteer, or talk with someone whose work interests them. Our article on helping a young adult who has no direction explores this stage in more depth. They can begin learning without committing to a lifelong path.

What if Your Teen or Young Adult Doesn’t Want to Set Goals?

If the word “goals” makes them shut down, begin with their everyday experience. Ask, “What would make your week more enjoyable?” or “Is there something you wish felt easier?” Maybe they want someone to sit with at lunch, more spending money, or something to look forward to after class. Listen without immediately turning their answer into an assignment. You’re helping them notice that they have wants, interests, and choices worth exploring.

Curiosity can be a useful starting point when they don’t know what they want. Invite them to choose one thing to learn about or try this week, then make time for it. They could visit a club, explore a creative interest, or ask someone about a career. Afterward, ask what they enjoyed, what surprised them, and whether they want to explore further. An experience they didn’t enjoy can still provide useful information about themselves.

Turn the Goal Into One Small, Specific Action

“Make more friends” is a hope. “Attend the photography club on Thursday” is an action. “Figure out my career” is a big question. “Ask one person about their work this week” is a manageable starting point. Help your teen or young adult identify something they can actually do, including when and where they’ll do it. This turns a distant result into a choice within their control.

One tool we use in coaching is a focus block: a planned period of time dedicated to one important result. Begin with a length they can manage—perhaps 15 or 20 minutes—with their phone put away and the task chosen beforehand. A high-school student might use that time to work through five practice problems. A young adult might update one résumé section or research an opportunity. At the end, they can see what moved forward and decide what comes next.

Imagine a college student who enjoys photography and values connection but feels alone on campus. Those signature ingredients suggest a meaningful goal: find people with a shared interest. Their first action could be attending a photography club meeting. Their next step might be returning the following week or inviting another member to take photos together. Identity gives the goal meaning; direction gives them somewhere to go; action gives them a way to begin.

Try this together: “What’s one step you can take this week—and when will you make time for it?”

Build a Daily Rhythm That Supports Who They’re Becoming

Goals have to fit into a real day. A young person may care about their future and still struggle to act when their afternoon has no structure, distractions are within reach, or they don’t know where to begin. Help them create a simple rhythm that makes room for their goal and supports their energy and focus. Let them help design it so they can practice managing it themselves.

A starting rhythm might include one daily focus block, one activity away from their phone, and a brief evening reflection. The activity could be walking, lifting weights, drawing, cooking, or spending time with someone. The reflection could be as simple as, “What mattered today? What did I learn? What’s important tomorrow?” Consistent sleep, meals, hydration, and time outdoors can also be part of the foundation you help them build.

This is where Action & Ownership becomes personal. Each time they keep a manageable commitment, they have something concrete to recognize: “I made time for what matters to me.” If getting started keeps breaking down, our article on helping your teen follow through without constant reminders offers another useful place to begin.

Use a Weekly Check-In to Support Ownership

A short Sunday check-in can give these conversations a predictable home. Agree on a time together and keep it focused on learning and planning. For a teen at home, that might mean sitting together for ten minutes. For a young adult away at college, ask whether a brief weekly call would feel helpful and what kind of support they want from you.

Let them speak first. Ask what went well, what got in the way, and what they want to focus on next. Before offering solutions, ask, “Would you like help thinking this through?” If they missed a commitment, explore whether the step was too big, the timing was unrealistic, or they need a different kind of support. They’re learning how to plan, notice obstacles, and adjust—skills they can carry into adulthood.

A useful check-in: “What are you proud of? What did you learn? What’s your next step? How can I support you?”

Your role is to stay connected while giving them room to participate in their own progress. If that balance feels difficult, our coaching for parents of teens and young adults helps parents strengthen communication, connection, and confidence in how they show up.

What Could Meaningful Progress Look Like in 90 Days?

Ninety days gives you a window for practicing, exploring, and noticing change. It doesn’t set a deadline for your child to have life figured out. Use the following stages as a flexible guide, adapting them to where your teen or young adult is starting:

• First 30 days: Discover and choose. Explore their signature ingredients, notice what interests them, and choose one meaningful goal with a manageable first step.
• Next 30 days: Practice and explore. Build a rhythm around small actions, make time for curiosities, and use weekly check-ins to adjust what isn’t working.
• Final 30 days: Reflect and take greater ownership. Help them recognize what they’ve learned and encourage them to choose, schedule, and review more of their next steps themselves.

Progress might look like a teen starting homework with fewer reminders, a college student returning to a club where they’ve met someone, or a young adult initiating a conversation about a job opportunity. Pay attention to those moments. You can say, “I noticed you got started even though you weren’t sure how it would go.” That helps them recognize their own effort and growing capability. The next 90 days can become a chance to build a relationship with themselves in which trying, learning, and beginning again all belong.

When Extra Support Can Help Them Move Forward

Sometimes a young person benefits from a trusted adult outside the family who can listen, ask thoughtful questions, and help them put what they’re discovering into practice. Through our life coaching for teens and high-school students, we help teens explore their identity, build confidence, create meaningful goals, and practice greater ownership. Our life coaching for young adults and college students brings that same foundation to college, career, relationships, independence, and what comes next.

The goal is for them to learn to lead their own life. We connect self-discovery with direction, healthy habits, practical tools, and ongoing support so the work has a place in their everyday experience.

If your teen or young adult has ideas but struggles to get started—or you’re tired of being the one driving every next step—let’s talk. Schedule a free discovery call with Erin or Chris. Tell us what’s happening, where they’re struggling, and what you hope could change. We’ll listen, answer your questions, and help you explore whether coaching is the right next step for your family.

They don’t need their whole future figured out. They need a meaningful next step—and support as they learn to keep going.