How to Connect With Your Teen or Young Adult: The Power of Curiosity and Presence

By Chris Adang – Co-founder of Extraordinary Purpose Life Coaching for Teens, Young Adults and Their Parents

In the past few days I have been reflecting upon how much importance there is in spending quality, intentional time with our children. Quality Time is not simply about spending time together – it’s about spending time together, when and where they are at the moment.

As parents we typically want to teach, provide guidance, and correct our children. However, if you wish to build a deeper relationship as they grow older, then we need to begin by building curiosity within ourselves. We have to find their passions and interests in life and be willing to explore those things with them — even though many times those things will be very different than our own.

For example, my oldest son, Ben, has a great deal of passion and energy for music and movies. So for the past 8 years, every week we either listen to a new album or attend a new movie together. While these activities are certainly important and enjoyable for both of us; it is the conversations we have while enjoying these experiences that are the most important.

We discuss what stood out to him, what he felt during the experience, and what he learned from it. Honestly? There have been a number of artists that Ben enjoys listening to that aren't exactly my normal choices as well. But I believe that exploring his interests in music and film is far more valuable than not taking the opportunity to do so. When I observe my son become enthusiastic and excited about something that he is passionate about, that's where the relationship is built.

Just recently, Ben sent me a text message listing his top ten albums of the year. Something I hadn't done since I was his age. I was taken aback for a brief moment. I suddenly realized...this is it!

This is what it means to live in the world of your teenager.

It's not about the music, films, etc. — it's about allowing yourself the time to see your teenagers for who they are growing into.

Why Building Curiosity Creates Connections (Trust)

Through our coaching efforts working with parents, teenagers, and young adults at Extraordinary Purpose, we've witnessed this fact repeatedly:

Teenagers and young adults do not require you to know all the answers.

They merely require you to be curious.

When a parent takes the initiative to enter the world of their teenager — without bias or agenda — they send a strong message to their teenager that they matter. "Your thoughts and feelings matter." "Who you are matters."

This simple shift creates huge changes in the family dynamics. It converts tension to trust.

It transforms barriers to windows.

3 Coaching Strategies You Can Apply Today

Below are three effective, real-world coaching techniques that we share in our Parent Coaching Program that assist families in establishing a deeper sense of connection and better communication:

➡️ Instead of advising your teenager, ask them questions.

"what did you enjoy?" or "how did you feel?" will take you a long way.

➡️ Enter their world.

Watch a television program that they enjoy.

Listen to the playlists they created.

Take some time to let them teach you something that they're passionate about.

Small gestures such as this one say, "I am willing to learn from you."

➡️ When they open up, reflect what you see.

"I really appreciate how passionate you are when you speak about this topic." builds confidence and establishes a safe space emotionally.

These minor, deliberate actions are the foundation for developing deep trust. These actions are not about perfection — they are about being present.

Parenting a Teenager/Young Adult is Messy and Requires Presence Not Perfection

Parenting teenagers and young adults can be chaotic and full of uncertainty. However, despite the chaos and the doubts, your teenager is still looking for you to see, hear, and understand them — whether or not they display it.

When you approach parenting with a mindset of curiosity you are modeling empathy.

When you continue to show up and be consistent you are modeling trust.

And, when you truly listen to your teenager you are modeling love.

You Do Not Need to Do This Alone

Extraordinary Purpose helps parents, teenagers, and young adults to reconnect with themselves and their family members through practical applications, emotional intelligence coaching and our proven 3 Pillars Framework — Self-Discovery, Vision & Goals and Empowered Daily Habits.

If you are seeking to improve communication in your family, establish more trust, or develop more meaningful relationships with your teenagers, we would welcome the opportunity to support you.