How to Make Friends and Find Your People in College and Young Adulthood

Meaningful friendships, professional connections, and a sense of belonging begin with knowing yourself—and letting others know you, too.

Your young adult can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected. They attend classes, have coworkers, see people on social media, and maybe even have a group to spend time with. But having people around doesn’t necessarily mean having relationships where they feel understood, appreciated, or comfortable being themselves. The same uncertainty can show up professionally: they’re interested in an internship or career, but hesitate to introduce themselves, ask questions, or reach out to someone who could help them explore.

As parents, we want our kids to find friends who bring out the best in them, mentors who recognize their potential, and relationships that make life feel richer. But “put yourself out there” leaves a lot unanswered. Where should they go? What should they say? How do they move beyond small talk? And how do they show people who they are when they’re still figuring that out themselves?

Finding your people in college and young adulthood starts with understanding your values, interests, strengths, and the person you want to become. From there, you can explore environments that fit, start authentic conversations, and follow through so new connections have room to grow.

At Extraordinary Purpose, we connect this process to our three pillars:

Self-Discovery & Identity → Direction & Purpose → Action & Ownership.

This applies to friendships, dating, mentors, professional relationships, and the communities we choose to become part of. Each begins with learning about ourselves and being willing to participate.

Finding your people begins with giving people a chance to meet the real you.

What Does It Mean to Find Your People?

Finding your people means building relationships where you feel respected, can express yourself honestly, and have opportunities to contribute and grow. These relationships might develop through shared interests, values, experiences, or goals. They don’t require identical personalities or agreement about everything.

It also helps to let go of the expectation that one person or group will meet every need. A friend might share your love of hiking. Another might be someone you can talk with when life feels uncertain. A professor might encourage an interest you haven’t taken seriously, while a coworker introduces you to a career possibility. A meaningful network of relationships can include different kinds of connection.

The question worth asking is: “Can I be myself here, make room for others to be themselves, and feel good about how we treat one another?”

Pillar 1: Self-Discovery & Identity — Know Who You Are and How You Want to Show Up

When a young adult struggles to connect, we can become focused on activities: join a club, attend an event, meet more people. Those may be useful steps, but we also want to understand their experience. Do they know what interests them? Are they comfortable expressing an opinion? Are they choosing environments they enjoy, or following what they think they’re supposed to like?

This is where their Signature Ingredients become valuable: their values, passions, interests, strengths, talents, personality, experiences, and curiosities. These are clues about where they might feel connected and what they can bring to a relationship. A student who enjoys photography, values creativity, and loves sports already has several starting points for conversations and experiences—even without a clear career plan.

We also encourage young adults to identify the qualities of their best self. That doesn’t mean becoming perfect or pretending they never feel awkward. It means deciding how they want to participate. Perhaps they want to be curious, warm, honest, courageous, thoughtful, or dependable. Those qualities give them something to practice in the moments they would usually hold back.

Before entering a new environment, they can ask: “How would the best version of me show up here?” Maybe they would put their phone away, introduce themselves, share an idea, or ask a question. They can practice that version of themselves while still feeling nervous.

A few questions to begin with:

• When do I feel most like myself?
• What interests or experiences would I enjoy sharing with others?
• What do I value in a friendship, mentor, or workplace?
• What qualities do I want people to experience when they spend time with me?

They don’t need complete answers before connecting. New relationships help us learn about ourselves, too. This is the foundation of our identity-first coaching approach: helping young adults use self-awareness to make more intentional choices.

Knowing your best self gives you a way to participate—even before you feel confident.

Let People Know You: Your Personal Brand

A personal brand can sound like something you need for a business or social media account. For a young adult, we make it more practical: Can you help someone understand who you are, what matters to you, and what you’re interested in contributing or exploring?

Their voice is how they express themselves. Their message is what they want others to understand about them. Their audience includes the people and communities they hope to connect with. Recognizing these things can help them communicate with greater clarity in a conversation, an interview, a networking message, or a professional profile.

For example, “I’m a business major” shares one fact. “I’m studying business, and I really enjoy bringing people together. I’m curious about event planning and the experience people have with a company” gives someone more to connect with. It reveals interests, energy, and a possible direction.

Their actions communicate, too. Listening, showing interest, keeping a commitment, and following up help others experience the qualities they describe. A personal brand becomes meaningful when it reflects the person people actually meet.

Authenticity also allows for growth. A young adult can be honest about being uncertain, learning something new, or exploring a possibility. They don’t have to exaggerate their experience to have something valuable to say.

Create an Elevator Pitch That Opens a Conversation

An elevator pitch is a brief introduction that gives someone a starting point for getting to know you. It can be useful at a career event, during an interview, when meeting a mentor, or in everyday conversation. The goal is to sound clear and human.

A simple structure is:

“I’m ___, I’m interested in ___, and right now I’m exploring ___.”

For example:

“I’m studying journalism, and I’m especially interested in photography and the stories behind sports. I’m looking for ways to get more hands-on experience. How did you get started?”

Or:

“I’m exploring opportunities in hospitality and aviation. I enjoy helping people feel welcome, and I’d love to learn more about what working in the industry is actually like.”

A social introduction might be as simple as: “I’ve been wanting to get back into hiking, so I thought I’d try this group. Have you been coming for a while?”

Encourage them to practice an introduction aloud, then allow it to change with the conversation. Share something real, ask something you’re curious about, and leave room to listen. They’re beginning a relationship, so they don’t need to fit their entire story into the first thirty seconds.

Pillar 2: Direction & Purpose — Explore Environments Where Connection Can Grow

Self-awareness becomes useful when it guides a choice. If a young adult wants more creative friendships, where could they make or explore something with others? If they’re curious about a career, where could they meet people doing that work? If they want relationships that support an active lifestyle, where could they participate regularly?

A student interested in storytelling might explore a campus publication or photography group. Someone who cares about animals could volunteer with a local organization. A young adult interested in entrepreneurship might attend an event, help with a project, or ask a business owner about their experience. They can follow a curiosity without committing to a whole new identity or career.

A helpful question is: “Where could I explore something I care about alongside other people?”

Choose one or two environments they can return to. Going once gives them an introduction; returning creates opportunities to recognize familiar faces, continue conversations, and contribute. An unfamiliar first visit doesn’t automatically mean they don’t belong, although they should still pay attention to whether an environment feels respectful and welcoming.

New experiences also help young adults learn what fits. They might discover an interest, recognize a strength, or find out they want something different. That’s useful information, and it connects closely with helping young adults find purpose and direction.

New environments create opportunities for new conversations—and new conversations can expand what you see as possible.

Move Beyond Small Talk With Curiosity and Honesty

Small talk is a place to begin. A deeper conversation often starts with a thoughtful follow-up or a willingness to share something beyond the basics. Young adults don’t need a list of impressive questions. They need permission to be interested and present.

If someone mentions their major, ask what drew them to it. If they describe a hobby, ask what they enjoy about it. If they mention an experience, ask what surprised them. Questions such as “How did you get involved?” or “What are you looking forward to?” give people space to share more of themselves.

Professional conversations can work the same way. A young adult can ask, “What does your work look like day to day?” “What do you enjoy most about it?” or “What would you recommend exploring while I’m still in college?” Those questions can create a useful conversation without the pressure of immediately asking for a job.

Connection also involves sharing. If someone talks about uncertainty, they might acknowledge that they’re exploring, too. If a topic excites them, they can let that enthusiasm show. Being authentic doesn’t require revealing everything; it means being truthful about what they choose to share and respecting the other person’s comfort.

Try this: Ask one open question, listen to the answer, and ask one follow-up based on what you heard. Then share something of your own.

Pillar 3: Action & Ownership — Notice What Holds You Back and Take One Small Step

Even with a plan, a young adult may hesitate. Everyone already has friends. I won’t know what to say. I don’t have enough experience. They probably won’t respond. Those thoughts can start making decisions before they’ve given themselves a chance.

This is where we use Noticing, Resistance, and the First Small Step. Notice what’s happening: reaching for the phone, avoiding eye contact, postponing a message, or assuming rejection. Recognize the resistance underneath it: discomfort, comparison, fear, or uncertainty. Then choose a manageable action.

That might mean introducing themselves to one person, asking one question after class, sending a short message, or attending an event for part of the evening. The action can be small enough to take while they’re still nervous. Each experience gives them something real to learn from, which is part of building confidence and self-trust.

Follow-through gives connection a chance to continue. Return to the group. Invite a classmate to study. Send the resource you mentioned. Thank someone for sharing their experience. Suggest a walk or coffee when there seems to be mutual interest.

Some conversations won’t develop further. Some invitations won’t be accepted, and some people won’t be a fit. That can feel disappointing without becoming a conclusion about their worth. Their responsibility is to participate respectfully, learn, and keep creating opportunities while allowing others to make their own choices.

How Parents Can Support Connection Without Taking Over

Watching your young adult feel lonely or overlooked can bring out the urge to solve it. Before offering suggestions, try asking: “Would it help if I listened, helped you think through some ideas, or helped you choose a next step?” Their answer can make the conversation more useful for both of you.

Stay curious about what connection means to them. “Who do you feel comfortable around?” or “What would you enjoy trying?” may reveal more than “Why don’t you go out more?” Reflect specific qualities you appreciate—their humor, thoughtfulness, enthusiasm, or ability to include others—so they have something concrete to recognize in themselves.

Encourage the actions they can control. Showing up, introducing themselves, asking a question, or following through matters even when it doesn’t immediately lead to a friendship or opportunity. We want them to develop the ability to create relationships for themselves, at a pace that respects their personality and circumstances.

If loneliness is persistent, distressing, or affecting daily life, help them connect with appropriate support, such as a campus counselor or mental health professional.

One Small Step This Week: Try a Connection Experiment

Choose one environment, one conversation, and one follow-up. A young adult could attend a club meeting, ask someone what brought them there, and return the following week. They could contact someone in a field they’re exploring, have a short conversation, and send a thoughtful thank-you. Or they could invite someone they already know to do something they both enjoy.

Use a Focus Block to make time for the first action, then reflect during a weekly check-in: Where did I feel most like myself? What interested me? When did I hold back? What would I like to try next?

This turns “I need to find my people” into something they can practice. They don’t have to build an entire social or professional network this week. They can begin one relationship, or take one existing connection a little further.

A meaningful relationship can begin with an ordinary conversation you were willing to start.

Frequently Asked Questions About Finding Your People

How do you find your people in college?

Start with interests, values, and activities you enjoy or want to explore. Choose settings where you can participate regularly, get to know people individually, and continue conversations over time. Share something about yourself and follow up when there is mutual interest.

How can young adults build both personal and professional connections?

Explore communities connected to your interests and goals, practice introducing yourself, and ask thoughtful questions. Friendships and professional relationships can overlap, but each relationship deserves care beyond what someone might be able to do for you.

What if my college student is introverted?

Smaller groups, shared activities, and individual conversations may feel more comfortable. They can build meaningful relationships without becoming highly outgoing. Help them choose manageable ways to participate that fit their personality.

How can a young adult network without much experience?

They can introduce themselves honestly, explain what interests them, and ask about another person’s experience. Campus events, volunteering, student organizations, and informational conversations provide places to begin. Curiosity and follow-through give them something useful to contribute while they’re learning.

What is a personal brand for a college student?

A personal brand is how a student communicates their qualities, interests, values, and contribution through their words and actions. It can help them introduce themselves, explain what they care about, and connect with relevant people and opportunities.

Can life coaching help a young adult build relationships?

Life coaching can help young adults understand themselves, practice communication, explore new environments, and follow through on relationship goals. It can also help them recognize patterns of holding back. Coaching does not guarantee friendships or replace mental health treatment.

Help Your Young Adult Feel More Connected to Their Life

Finding your people takes exploration, participation, and patience. It also takes a willingness to let others see something real: an interest, an idea, a question, a hope, or a part of yourself you usually keep quiet.

Through our life coaching for young adults and college students, we help young adults understand who they are and turn that understanding into meaningful choices. That includes building relationships, exploring opportunities, communicating their value, and taking greater ownership of the life they want to create.

If your young adult is struggling to find their people or holding themselves back, explore our coaching program and schedule a free discovery call. We’d love to learn more about them and what they’re hoping to build.

Discover who you are. Create your direction. Become who you want to be.