Parenting Teens and Young Adults: What Could Change for You in the Next 90 Days?

By Erin Verdis and Chris Adang, founders of Extraordinary Purpose and parents of four.

You want your child to become more independent. You want them to find their direction, build confidence, and create a life they’re excited about. But as they begin needing you differently, you can find yourself wondering where you fit—and what comes next for you. You’re still paying attention to their school, their friendships, their choices, and their future. Meanwhile, some of the things that matter to you have been waiting for a quieter season that never quite arrives.

We know that feeling. We’re raising teens and young adults ourselves, and we’re living through these transitions alongside the parents we coach. We know how quickly a concern about your child can take over your day. We also know what it’s like to have a dream, an interest, or a friendship you want to nurture, then keep putting it aside because there’s always something else to handle.

But what if the next 90 days included something meaningful for you, too? You could begin reconnecting with an interest you’ve missed, creating more honest conversations with your partner, or approaching your child with greater curiosity and less urgency. You could feel clearer about who you are in this chapter and what you want to bring to life.

Your child is growing into their next chapter. You deserve to create yours, too.

That’s the heart of our conversation on the Extraordinary Purpose Podcast. We talked about our own goals, the places we still get caught up as parents, and how to begin creating momentum. These conversations help us slow down and check in with ourselves, too. We’re in this with you.

Watch or listen: Parents of Teens & Young Adults: What Could Change for You in 90 Days?

We recorded this conversation at the end of September, thinking about the final three months of the year. But you can begin in any month. You don’t need to wait for January, for your schedule to clear, or for your child to have everything figured out. You can start giving your own future some attention today.

1. Reconnect With Yourself: What Have You Put Aside?

When you spend years caring for everyone else, it’s easy to lose touch with the parts of yourself that don’t appear on the family calendar. You’re working, managing the house, signing forms, driving to activities, and making sure everyone has what they need. You may be doing all of that with love while quietly missing something: time to create, room to think, a friendship, a sense of adventure, or the feeling that you’re growing into something yourself.

For Erin, one of those things is writing. She has wanted to write a book for a long time, and it’s something she feels deeply called to bring to life. She had started writing more, then fallen out of the rhythm for a couple of weeks. On the morning we recorded, she told Chris she needed to make time for it again—and she did. The book isn’t finished. She’s making space for something that has been in her heart for years.

She also shared something personal about friendship. We love being together, and between running our business and caring for our family, we spend a lot of time together. But Erin recognized that she wanted more friendships with other women. So she began looking for women’s groups and reached out to another mom to see if she wanted to go on a hike. She’s giving attention to a part of her life that matters to her.

Maybe your version is getting back outside, taking better care of your body, playing music, exploring an interest, or calling someone you’ve been meaning to reconnect with. Ask yourself what you’ve set aside and what you miss. You don’t have to defend why it matters. Sometimes recognizing that it matters is the beginning.

You can miss how things used to be and still create something meaningful in this next chapter.

Erin spoke honestly about the emotion of watching a child get closer to leaving home. There are days when she cries because she knows things are shifting. Her son needs her less in some ways and is excited about what comes next. She understands that excitement, and she feels the change. You can be proud of your child and still feel sad about a chapter ending. You can love being their parent and begin making room for more of yourself.

2. Create a Vision for Your Own Future

We ask young people about their futures all the time. What do they want to study? What interests them? What kind of life do they want to create? Those questions matter for parents, too. You’re still becoming. You still have things to learn, experiences to pursue, and parts of yourself to discover. Giving attention to your future can bring energy and possibility into a life that has started to feel mostly like responsibilities.

Chris talked about how easily our ideas get stuck in our heads. We think about something we’d love to do, revisit it occasionally, and then go back to the day. Eventually, the idea can fade without ever getting a chance to become something. Start by getting those thoughts onto paper. Write down what you want to feel, experience, learn, or create. You don’t need a complete plan to recognize a direction that excites you.

For Erin, that means thinking beyond fitting writing into whatever time is left. She’s exploring how she could create more focused time, perhaps by going away for a day or two to a cabin where she can write. She hasn’t settled every detail. She’s getting resourceful and asking what would support her. We’re doing the same as we think about reaching more families through our podcast, speaking, and coaching.

Try imagining an ordinary day 90 days from now. How would you like to feel when you wake up? What would you be making time for? Who would you be connecting with? What would make you proud of how you’re showing up? Keep the vision close enough that you can begin acting on it. A few protected hours, a new conversation, or a recurring walk can be a meaningful beginning.

At Extraordinary Purpose, our work follows the connection between identity, direction, and action. First, reconnect with who you are and what matters to you. Then create a vision that fits those values, interests, and hopes. From there, choose a step you can take. That’s part of our life coaching for parents of teens and young adults, because your growth belongs in the conversation, too.

How Does Focusing on Yourself Help You as a Parent?

Chris asked this question directly in our conversation. If you’re worried about your child, it’s understandable to wonder what your own interests or personal goals have to do with helping them. Consider what happens when nearly all your attention is on how they’re doing. Their mood, their choices, and their willingness to connect can start carrying enormous weight in your day. A short reply or declined invitation can feel much bigger when you’ve been waiting for that interaction to help you feel okay.

Having meaningful interests, friendships, and goals of your own can help you bring more steadiness into the relationship. You have other places to experience connection, purpose, and growth. That can make it easier to enjoy time with your child without expecting every interaction to provide the closeness or reassurance you’ve been missing. You still care deeply. You’re also building a life that supports you.

3. Strengthen Your Partnership With More Honesty and Intention

If you’re parenting with a partner, think about how much of your communication revolves around getting through the day. Who’s driving? What needs to get paid? What’s happening with the kids? Those conversations are necessary, but they can take up so much room that you stop asking how you’re doing together or what you want to create in this next chapter.

One of our shared goals is meeting more people and building friendships with other couples. We made connections through our business, but many were online. We want more experiences with people in person: going bowling, playing games, having dinner, and spending time with people we connect with. We love our relationship, and we’re still intentional about what we want to add to our life together.

Your next step might be a weekly conversation with phones put away, a walk where you talk about more than the kids, or being honest about something you’ve been keeping to yourself. Erin encouraged listeners to think about whether they need more heartfelt conversations, more vulnerability, or more honesty about their needs and desires. Begin by asking yourself what you could bring to the relationship: more attention, appreciation, openness, or an invitation to do something you both enjoy.

You might ask your partner, “What would you love for us to make more time for over the next few months?” Then share your own answer. Give each other room to respond without needing to solve everything immediately. If you aren’t currently in a partnership, bring that same intention to a friendship or another important relationship. Who do you want to spend more time with, and what could you initiate?

4. Change How You Connect With Your Teen or Young Adult

You may have come here hoping to improve communication with your teen or young adult. We understand. We want strong, connected relationships with our kids, too. One place to begin is noticing what you bring into each interaction: your tone, your expectations, how quickly you offer advice, and what happens inside you when things aren’t going the way you hoped.

Chris’s experience with William: When William was sick recently, Chris found himself worrying about everything he was missing—school, cross-country practice, and time with friends. He described how much that worry was affecting him:

“I was making myself sick.” — Chris

Erin reminded him that he couldn’t change the fact that William was sick. William needed time to recover. Chris could support him, but worrying about everything he was missing wasn’t helping either of them. We share that because we’re practicing these things ourselves. Love and concern can turn into urgency quickly, and sometimes we need someone to help us notice it.

Before you remind, advise, or take over, pause long enough to ask: What does my child need from me right now? What am I feeling? Is there something useful I can do, or am I trying to relieve my own discomfort? There will be times when your child needs active support. The pause helps you choose how to offer it with more intention.

Erin also talked about wanting family time and feeling hurt when it didn’t unfold the way she pictured. She recognized how quickly she could move toward trying to make everyone participate, then feel disappointed when it didn’t create the connection she wanted. A more useful place to begin was getting curious about what her child might enjoy and how she could approach the invitation differently.

Try opening a conversation with one of these questions:

• “What’s something in your world you wish I understood better?”
• “Would you like me to listen, or help you think it through?”
• “What would you enjoy doing together this week?”

Then give their answer room. It might be different from what you imagined. They may prefer a drive, a shared meal, or showing you something they enjoy over a formal conversation. If you want a regular check-in, ask what timing and format would work for both of you. Building connection includes learning about their world as it changes.

For more guidance on balancing support with growing independence, read When to Step In and When to Step Back: How to Help Your Teen or Young Adult Take Ownership. You can keep appropriate boundaries and expectations while practicing more curiosity and giving your child room to become capable.

5. Choose One Small Step and Begin Building Momentum

At the end of our conversation, Erin brought us back to what we wanted parents to take away:

“This is about momentum.” — Erin

You don’t need to turn the next 90 days into another demanding project. Choose one thing that matters to you and decide what getting started would look like. It might be writing for 15 minutes, inviting someone on a walk, having an honest conversation with your partner, or listening a little longer before offering your child advice. Make the step specific enough that you know when you’ve taken it.

To put the ideas from our conversation into practice, here’s a flexible way to approach the next three months. Begin with one focus and adjust as you learn.

First 30 Days: Reconnect and Begin

Notice what you’ve been missing and choose one area to give attention to. Get your thoughts onto paper, identify a small step, and decide when you’ll take it. If friendship is your focus, send an invitation. If it’s a creative interest, protect a short block of time. If it’s communication with your child, practice pausing and asking a question before moving into advice. Pay attention to what helps you feel more like yourself.

Next 30 Days: Create Consistency and Support

Give that first step a place in your life. Put it on the calendar, make the next invitation, or establish a simple ritual you can return to. Notice what makes follow-through difficult and what would help. Erin recognized that writing mattered enough to need more protected time. You may discover that you need a clearer boundary, a different routine, or someone in your corner. Ask for the support that would make continuing more realistic.

Final 30 Days: Reflect and Keep Building

Look at what you’ve learned. What have you enjoyed? What feels different? Where have you become more intentional? Your progress may show up as a few pages written, a growing friendship, more honest conversations, or catching yourself before reacting. Recognize those changes and decide what you want to continue. If something hasn’t worked, adjust it. The next step can reflect what you know now.

We have coaches ourselves because we know how helpful it is to have support and accountability. A partner, friend, or coach can help you remember what you said mattered when the day gets busy. And if you lose your rhythm, you can return to it. Erin returned to her writing. Chris keeps practicing letting go of worry. We’re all learning how to follow through on the life we want to create.

You don’t have to wait until your child has everything figured out to begin creating a life that matters to you.

Reflection Questions for Your Next Chapter

Take a few quiet minutes with a notebook. Let your answers be honest, even if they’re still taking shape.

• What have I put aside that I want to make room for again?
• What would I like to feel, experience, or pursue over the next 90 days?
• What would help me feel more connected with my partner or another important person in my life?
• What am I trying to control in my child’s life, and where could I bring more curiosity?
• What is one small step I can take this week, and who could support me?

Explore Parent Coaching With Extraordinary Purpose

If you’ve spent years helping everyone else move forward and feel unsure what comes next for you, we’d love to talk. Maybe you want to reconnect with yourself, communicate more confidently, feel closer to your child, or create a family culture with more trust and intention. You deserve support as you navigate this chapter.

Our parent coaching helps you get clearer about who you are, what matters to you, and how you want to show up in your relationships. We bring practical tools, personal reflection, and ongoing support to help you turn that clarity into meaningful action. This work is personal for us, too. We’re parents who understand the worry, the changing roles, and the hope for something better.

Explore Life Coaching for Parents of Teens & Young Adults and Schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call →

Tell us what’s going on and what you would love to feel different. We’ll listen, answer your questions, and help you explore whether coaching feels right for you.

Your child is growing into their next chapter. You deserve to create yours, too.

About the authors: Erin Verdis and Chris Adang are the founders of Extraordinary Purpose, parents of four, and life coaches with more than 20 years of combined experience supporting teens, young adults, parents, and families. Through coaching and the Extraordinary Purpose Podcast, they help people discover who they are, create their direction, and become who they want to be.