EXTRAORDINARY PURPOSE PODCAST Episode: Stand Guard at the Gate of Your
Mind: Protect Your Confidence, Identity & Future
TRANSCRIPT
This transcript has been lightly cleaned for readability while
preserving the substance of the conversation. Minor filler words,
transcription artifacts, and formatting issues have been removed to
improve readability and accessibility.
When you really start to check in with yourself and you start to notice,
, you realize , “Wow, these things are not just affecting me, but
they’re controlling me.” They’re controlling how I feel, they’re
controlling what I do or what I don’t do, they’re controlling what I
believe about myself and my, the world and my potential, and what I’m
capable of doing in the future.
Like, man, do we care about all of those things, and everybody we coach
cares about those same things. And when you see all the sudden, like my
God, there is something that’s robbing that from me, , taking that away
from me, making me not believe in myself and not feel the way , that I
wanna feel sometimes.
Welcome to the extraordinary purpose podcast, where we explore some of
the truly difficult questions and challenges that parents and their
families face every day. Whether it’s the sometimes painful process of
parenting teens and young adults. Navigating relationships with your
partner and children, or you discovering your purpose in relationship
with yourself, we will bring heartfelt and vulnerable conversations to
the table to support and empower you.
Our mission is to help you create a lifestyle full of love, passion,
adventure, and influence. Here we go
And we’re back everybody, with another episode of the Extraordinary
Purpose Podcast. Erin is smiley today, which- … I love to see.
My name is Chris, and I’m here with the sexy rock star, Erin Verdis.
What’s up sweetheart?
Wow, I like it.
I like it too. That has a ring to it that I think is gonna stick. I
like it.
Erin has a lot of nicknames. I do. A lot of nicknames
around here. I’m doing great today. How is everyone doing out there?
Hope you guys are doing great.
Yeah. Thank you so much for tuning in. , We always,, tout these episodes
as being the best ever. Um, some of that’s marketing, but usually it’s
true, right Erin?
They get better and better-
Yeah …
every week.
And so we’ve, we think we’ve cooked up a really great episode, a really
great topic, a topic that is probably.
Even though we’ve been teaching on this topic, Erin, for years, which is
true, this is something that you came up with a long time ago, it is
more popular and more important today than ever before.
Yeah, and you would think that, and we’re gonna reveal in just a moment
here, but you would think this is really popular with parents
yeah. That this would be the most exciting part of our program for
parents. But honestly, a lot of young adults really love this topic and-
More than you would think. Yeah. ’Cause I think a lot of parents, and
we’re gonna unveil, unveil here in a second, like they think, “You know
what? My k- my kids don’t care about this stuff.
They don’t care about personal development and feeling better and being
able to focus and be more productive,” we think they don’t care, but
that’s not true. Every day when we’re talking to teens and young adults,
they tell us they do care and that this is really important to them.
That’s what I tell parents all the time is- Your kids are gonna be so
different with us- Yeah … than they are with you. And it’s just the
truth, and it’s not, it doesn’t take away from your connection and your
relationship. Our kids are the same- They are … when they’re with other
people, other teachers, other therapists, other coaches.
They’re going to open up in a much different way.
Yeah, it’s just different.
Yeah.
It’s definitely different. And so Erin, what is today’s topic?
Today’s topic is- It’s about standing guard at the gate of your mind. I
always say, I always tee it up when I’m working with my girls- Wow, the
way you
said that- Wow.
I’m like, it sounds like a, a really big book title- It does … or a
movie title. But really what it’s about is, well exactly what it says.
It’s about standing guard , at the gate of your mind. It’s standing
guard at what you allow into your mind-
There you go …
through the lens of a lot of things, but mostly content,
movies, social media, even books, music, all the things that we watch
and listen to and take in., It’s to really say that we have so much more
power and control over what those things are when we decide to be more
intentional about it.
Yeah, so, so there you go. , , and let’s just set the reality, which is
from the moment that we wake up until the moment we fall asleep, we are
consuming content.
Mm-hmm.
And especially now, 2026, there is content happening all around us,
movies and TV and mainly our phone, social media, texting.
Marketing.
Marketing. Constantly. Sales, advertisements, the music we listen to,
the movies we watch, and we know we’re consuming some sort of content at
some point, I mean, hundreds of time each, hundreds of times each day.
Yeah
And what I think the majority of us don’t realize is the effect that has
on us. Mm-hmm. Not just short-term, and there is a short-term effect,
and we’ll talk about that, but also even more importantly, the long-term
effect.
Yeah. Yeah, , this, the content we consume, it influences honestly every
thought we have.
Mm-hmm.
Conversations we have, it influences our relationships, um, the ideas we
come up with, how we feel about ourselves, our beliefs. , Truly it has
an impact on our identity at the end of the day.
Yeah. Yeah, - I think at the beginning of the day, I think what we’re
really talking about is that when you, when you think about yourself, ,
what we’re trying to get to is a place where we feel good.
, We have energy. We believe in ourselves. We’re able to do some of the
things each day that we wanna do, and then we start to think about,
“Well, what are the things that are actually holding us back and s- and
preventing us from being able to do those things?” A lot of times the
things that are making us not feel good in general or about ourselves,
it is the content.
If you really stop and think about it for a second, which by the way, do
we do this? Do we actually stop and notice- Mm-hmm … how being on our
phone makes us feel? And that goes for us, that goes for our kids, that
goes for everybody out there. And the reality is we don’t, and so that’s
kind of where it starts, and when you think about us being a gatekeeper,
, first off, we gotta put somebody at the gate because right now, Erin,
there is nobody at the gate.
Right.
And that is a serious, serious problem for us and our kids and everybody
we love, and everybody in the whole country and the universe, right? The
universe. The whole world. Including the aliens out there- Exactly …
apparently. And so if there’s nobody at the gate, then we are at the
mercy of all of this content that we’re consuming, and there is no
filter, and a lot of it, if not the vast majority of it, is negative.
Let’s be very, very clear. If you think about the news and the music and
the movies, there is a lot of things that are negative, that are not
helpful, that are not positive for sure, and that aren’t making us feel
the way that we need to feel.
Yeah, and if it’s influencing so many things about ourselves, it’s
influencing how we talk to ourselves.
Yes. The relationship we have with ourselves., This, , particular topic
is a ritual that we teach in week six of our program, which is all about
environment. Mm-hmm. Because this impacts our internal environment at
such a large degree, our thoughts, our inner dialogue with ourselves-
Yeah … how we feel.
And so those are the things, Chris, that you were saying, that’s what
makes us not feel good, right. That’s what drains our energy. And we-
you’re right. Nobody know- nobody even- No … pays attention to it. And
the truth is, you know me, I’m really big on self-responsibility. I’m
really big on not being a victim.
And so this kind of brings us back to being responsible for ourselves,
teaching young adults to be more responsible for themselves, parents
having the opportunity when your kids are a little bit younger, , even
younger teens, to help decide what kind of content comes into your
family and your home, which we’re gonna talk about that, too, here in a
minute.
Yeah, I share this with parents and the kids that we coach every single
day, like, we’re not anti-phones, we’re not anti-technology, we’re not
anti-social media, but we are anti anything that is making us not feel
good or feel good about ourselves or preventing us from having great
days.
Days that are meaningful and moving us forward and fulfilling, and all
of these things that I think ultimately are important to us on so many
different levels.
Yeah, and I wanna say here, ’cause this is something I also coach on
when I’m teaching this, is that- It’s not always about feeling good all
the time.
No. We have to have polarity. We need that contrast. Right. I always
talk about that 50/50 rule, that as human beings, we’re gonna feel
amazing, and full of growth, and happiness, and all those things that we
desire 50% of the time. Sure. And 50% of the time, we’re not. We’re
gonna be down on ourselves. Yeah.
We’re gonna be negative. But we have to learn to work through that to
get to the other side so we know what that feels like. But the truth is,
what we’re talking about here is being able to slow down, like we talk a
lot about on this podcast, being able to slow down, to pause, to check
in with ourselves, and to notice how we’re feeling.
Mm. And that’s the key here. When you can start being more mindful of,
is sitting on my phone on TikTok for the last hour making me feel good?
Is it giving me energy? Mm. Is it bringing me to life? Is it giving me,
, positive beliefs about myself and about the world, or is it draining
me? Do I feel nauseous?
I don’t… That’s the word that comes to mind for me. When I’m scrolling
on my phone too long, on anything, to be honest, I don’t feel good.
No. I feel nauseous. So it’s being able to slow down long enough to ask
yourself, “How does this make me feel?” Simple.
It is simple, but also very hard, because remember, this has been
flowing, or all this content has been flowing uncontrolled, unfiltered
for years And so at this point, that itself is almost a behavior, it’s a
pattern,
mm-hmm. And to break that pattern, Erin is absolutely right, the only
way is to develop this new habit of literally slowing down throughout
the day and checking in with yourself, which you’re right, we talk about
that all the time. But checking in with yourself is not just becoming
more present, it’s giving you the power to actually start to notice all
of these things around you.
Yeah, I really, I can’t tell you how many young women I coach that after
working on this week with me in our coaching program, m- by the
following week when we meet up again, they’ve made a solid decision to,
some of them, get rid of social media off their phones- Mm-hmm …
completely ’cause they started to finally wake up to how it was making
them feel.
They, it was the culprit for so much negativity that was- Yeah … going
on in them. It was creating, gossip, and limiting beliefs, and negative
self-talk.
Yeah.
At the minimum, some of the girls I coach at least, start changing what
they’re scrolling. Mm-hmm. They’re changing who they’re following, what
influencers they’re deciding to follow because this is not about, and
Chris hates this term, but throwing the baby out-
There it is
with the bathwater. Erin’s favorite term. I
don’t know why I say that all the time, it is a strange
term. It’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
But it’s my way of saying we don’t have to be extreme all the time.
Correct. , The pendulum doesn’t have to swing so far in, in the opposite
direction.
It’s about balance.
Yes.
, It’s about taking that inventory, zooming the camera out, and really
taking inventory of like, “Okay, what’s going on here? What’s on my
phone? What music is on, , my Spotify? What movies- Mm … am I taking and
what shows am I binging? Are any of these actually lifting me up, making
me feel good,, challenging my thoughts and challenging my beliefs about
myself and life?”
And if not, it’s probably time to balance that out a little bit- Mm-hmm
… and add some positive things in there. Add in a documentary if you’re
just watching action movies all the time. You know, add in some, a
podcast on spirituality, or business, or personal growth, if all you’re
doing is listening to influencers and watching influencers on, fashion.
So it’s really just about balance. And so back to what I was saying is
so many young women I coach end up really taking action on this, and I
can’t tell you how many come back to me a couple months down the road
and say it completely changed, it changed their life.
Yeah, because ultimately it’s this helpless feeling.
When you really start to check in with yourself and you start to notice,
, you realize , “Wow, these things are not just affecting me, but
they’re controlling me.” They’re controlling how I feel, they’re
controlling what I do or what I don’t do, they’re controlling what I
believe about myself and my, the world and my potential, and what I’m
capable of doing in the future.
Like, man, do we care about all of those things, and everybody we coach
cares about those same things. And when you see all the sudden, like my
God, there is something that’s robbing that from me, , taking that away
from me, making me not believe in myself and not feel the way , that I
wanna feel sometimes.
Mm-hmm. And you’re right, it’s not about perfection. That’s not what
we’re saying. Like, you’re not gonna all of a sudden get rid of all
negative media Mm-hmm … and completely quit your phone and all of this
stuff. It’s nearly impossible, but yeah. That’s nearly impossible, but
it is about getting control back
it’s about getting a little bit more choice involved in this, , process.
And if you get more control, and you’re s- you start to get more
influence over some of your choices each day, that puts you into a
pretty good position. Because you’re right, if you have a choice, then
you can just ask yourself the simple question.
You’re checking in, like, “What do I need right now?” What do I need?
Mm-hmm.
Maybe you do need an action flick or a horror flick or something that’s,
, that’s could be in certain situations not positive. Maybe I do need to
spend time on social media for a lot of different reasons. We get it.
Trust us. Like, we’re open-minded parents. We try to be at least some of
the time. Mm-hmm. We get it. , Do you need to be on social media?
Sometimes, right? But not all the time, and then not especially when
you’re doing it without even noticing that you’re doing
it. I was gonna say, it’s not even just about being on social media.
It’s what are you taking in on social media. Correct. Yeah. If you look
at my feed, for instance, it’s filled with, , personal development and,
and coaching and business and the things that are important to me, the
things that I value, that I’m passionate about. Yeah. That’s really
where it begins, is first of all asking yourself those questions.
What is important to me? What’s meaningful to me- Yeah … in my life?
What do I value? And are the things I’m taking in aligned with those
things? , If I… I was telling Chris earlier, you’ll rarely see me
watching, , a violent action movie- Mm-hmm … that’s filled with a lot of
fighting and guns and stuff.
, Not because I’m anti-everything, it just, it’s not lined up with me.
I’m so much more about peace and harmony and kindness, and I just don’t
value those kind of movies. They’re not for me. Now, do I- You’re
missing
out, Erin.
I know. No, I’m just kidding. Now, do I watch one once in a while-
Uh-huh … with Chris or, you know, my kids?
Of course I do. It’s just nothing that you would find- Yeah …, lined up
in my Netflix or anything like that. And , summertime is such a
fantastic time to really think about this- Yeah … and start putting some
of this into action. For parents who have young adults, , that are home
for the summer from college, it’s a great opportunity to just open up
the conversation.
Mm-hmm. You know, you could simply ask, , “What kind of things are you
following on social media?” Mm-hmm. And even make it more, , I’m… As a
parent, you could say, “I’m starting to become a little bit more mindful
about the stuff that I’m, like, scrolling on social media and stuff. ,
What are you up to?”
Mm-hmm. And just make, get curious. Ask them to start thinking a little
bit differently. It’s just raising those questions. You also have
influence over, , “Hey, do you guys wanna watch a documentary tonight?”
, I started listening to this podcast. I thought you might like, , I’ll
send you an episode.
Maybe you’d like it.” ’Cause we know with our young adults, we can’t
just come swooping in, and, “I heard this podcast, and we should get rid
of all this stuff on our social media.” But you can drop, you can plant
little seeds. You can come up with some ideas. You can influence them in
a really subtle way.
I think that’s a great point because we’re talking about the effect that
our environment has on us, has on our kids.
Your kids, if they still live at home, guess what? They’re in your
environment pretty often. And no, you can’t force things on them. That
doesn’t work. You can’t control them. That definitely doesn’t work. But
what you can do is influence. Yeah. That’s a word we have been using a
lot, and very intentionally because when you as a parent are intentional
about , the content that you’re consuming, when you’re intentional about
the music you listen to, the movies you watch, your kids can either
directly or indirectly be involved in that.
Yeah.
And so you are introducing them to your world. And by the way, there’s a
whole nother topic of you g- really starting to understand them more,
understand their world, and helping them not make choices about what
they listen to, but give them the tools to be able to, to make some of
those choices because this isn’t about, you like to listen to rap music,
which a lot of kids do.
We understand. , I listened to rap music when I was in high school.
Mm-hmm. , This is about understanding how that music or how those movies
or how your phone is making you feel. It’s about understanding are these
things in alignment with your values, which by the way, that’s a word
that we talk about a lot, too, because when we are helping you, the
parent, we’re helping your kids, one of the very first things we do to
help people is we help you understand what’s important to you, who you
are and what’s important to you.
That information is necessary or helpful so that you can make some of
these different choices, so you can start to figure out what is some
content that’s in alignment with my values.
Yeah, because it kinda comes back to something Chris and I are so
passionate about, and we help parents with this all the time, is
remember what you’re modeling has such an- Yeah
impact on your kids. , For instance, I was just thinking since my kids
were little, , I’m a big Tony Robbins fan, I always have been, and I
would play Tony Robbins content in the car- Mm-hmm … all the time, and
I’d get the eye rolls, and they would have rather turned on their music,
but I’m like, “Nope, this is my car, and I need to listen to this.”
Mm-hmm. Even now when I’m driving Skyler to school in the morning, I
have this app called Activations, which is just all these like positive
pep talks and, positive affirmations and mantras and things like that,
and I’ll play that in the car. And,, sometimes I’ll tell her, I’m like,
“Take your headphones out.
Why don’t you listen- Mm-hmm … to one with me on the way to school?” And
so she will. She’ll give me, three minutes and she’ll listen to a pep
talk with me, then she’ll put her headphones back in. So it’s those
little ways that you can plant those seeds, especially when they’re a
little younger. I know when our kids get to be 18, 19, 20 and into
their, , later 20s, it can feel- Hmm
a little more challenging. But when they’re younger teens, you
absolutely have a say. Uh, I meet so many parents who think their
14-year-olds are, like, 20 already, and it’s like- I know … no, you have
impact and influence. You are allowed to say, “This is allowed in my
car, this is allowed in my home, and this is not.”
Yeah. And we have to remember, too, that especially if we’re talking
about phones and social media, it can be… It’s very addictive, and so a
lot of us have an addiction to these things, which means that these
things have a lot of control over us.
Mm-hmm.
And so as parents, it’s our responsibility to help with that.
We can’t fix overnight or anything like that, but the way that we help
is we help them start to notice some of these things, maybe learn a
little bit more about themselves so that they can start to understand
that you do have a choice. You don’t have to be on your phone all day.
It may feel that way for various reasons.
It may feel that way, but you don’t. You don’t have to follow the same
content as your friends, which by the way, that’s very common, is they
all follow the same reels and tha- the same viral trends and things like
that, even if they’re not something that, they believe in and are
aligned with their values.
They need to be the ones, or we need to be the ones to make those
choices moving forward. Is this something that’s gonna help me move
forward? Is this something positive that’s gonna make me feel good? Is
this maybe connected to my future? Like, personal development for us
serves a lot of different purposes, right, Erin?
Mm-hmm. Like, we, we listen to it to feel good, to get motivated, but
it’s also, for us, it’s learning and growing and learning new tools and
a lot of different things that, once again, helps us in various
different ways.
Yeah.
Now, and then sometimes we wanna veg out and we just wanna listen to s-
something mindless, whether it’s movies or music or content.
That’s okay, as you said, as long as there’s balance.
Yeah, and , the other thing is they’re not always gonna understand, and
that’s okay. I think that’s where parents get stuck sometimes- Yeah … is
they feel like they, their kids should understand everything all the
time. My daughter gets, um…
I took it away for quite a while, all her social media. She had no
TikTok, no Snapchat, and then I gave her back. She gets two hours a day.
Mm-hmm. That’s it. To me, that’s plenty at 14 years old.
Yeah.
And she’ll say to me all the time, , “None of my friends-” More … “have
any kind of time limit on their phones.
They, you know-” Yeah … “they don’t have any ti-” And I am just, no
judgment. I’m sorry. Not at all. But it blows me away. I’m like, wow.
And so she doesn’t get it, and she gives me a lot of strife for it, but
you know what? I just tell myself over and over again that she’s gonna
be grateful someday. She will. This will have such, a positive impact on
her, and somehow she’ll be grateful of it.
, And I think that’s such a great point, Erin, because, part of this is
understanding that we don’t want to be like everybody else. Mm-hmm.
We’re unique and different. In order to really find your purpose, and
all the things that we love talking about, connect with your passions
and learn more about yourself and your values and your direction in
life, you can’t do that if you’re just following the crowd, and you’re
always on your phone and going in this direction or that direction.
Mm-hmm. You have to go in your direction.
Yeah.
And the only way you can do that is by doing things differently. And so
what you just said kind of emphasizes that , this is what that’s all
about. This is about finding yourself and going in your own direction
and not being on your phone all the time, and th- when, when you are,
you’re much more intentional about what you’re doing and why you’re
doing it.
Yeah, absolutely.
And so Erin, so what do you think is the best way for us to send off
parents today so that we give them some actionable tips and strategies
for the week ahead?
For sure. So I would say, parents, you go first, right? Over this next
week or even just the next couple days, take some of this and really put
it into action.
Start becoming more mindful, more intentional. Just start noticing when
you are on social media, what you’re scrolling, notice how you’re
feeling, notice what you’re taking in. Start being more mindful of what
you’re listening to and what you are watching because our kids pick up
on that. They notice what we’re doing.
Trust me, they’re watching. Hmm. Um, and then, , if you have younger
kids at home, make sure that you touch base with them. Really ask them
what, what’s going on with their social media. You’re allowed to check
their phone sometimes. It’s okay to see what’s going on. I think
sometimes we bury our head in the sand ’cause we don’t wanna know-
and that’s not okay, guys. I know it’s hard, but check in on them. Yeah.
And then just create that conversation, and just remember, you have so
much more influence and impact than you realize. So- Oh, absolutely …
it’s okay to play a podcast in the car and tell them not to put their
headphones in. It’s okay to, , say, “We’re gonna have a family movie
night,” and introduce, like, an inspirational movie, a motivational
documentary or something.
Mm-hmm. , Don’t worry about the eye rolls and all of that. Trust me,
they’re gonna thank you later. That, th- this kind of content that you
start introducing into your home and your family is gonna have a
lifelong impact on them.
I love all of that. I think when we ask that que- when you’re checking
in with yourself and you ask yourself that question,, what do I need or
what do we need right now as a family, , you can start to brainstorm.
What are some of those movies and what’s some of that content and what
are some of those things that we can do as a family or consume as a
family that’s more positive, that’s more motivational? Maybe that’s what
you need right now.
What are some new messages- Yeah … that I want my kids- Correct
to hear? You know, something that I do sometimes is instead of me
preaching at my kids, I’ll play a podcast- Yeah … in the car that has
that message that I’m trying to get through to them, and then they’re
like, “Oh, wow, that’s interesting. Mom would normally say that, but I’m
hearing it from this podcaster.”
I love that.
And I think you’re not just then looking at the new releases that are on
Netflix or your music, mm-hmm. You’re actually thinking about, what are
some different helpful things that we could watch together as a family
right now, , or listen to as a family right now. It’s not just what I
love or what I always listen to.
It’s actually something more intentional. Or
what everyone else is doing or listening to, like
you said. That’s the name. So that’s the spirit of this. That’s the name
of the game. This isn’t just continuing on the same trajectory. , We
kinda know where that’s gonna go. We’re not necessarily saying it’s
gonna go anywhere bad, but there are things that we can consume that can
actually help us in so many different ways because we didn’t talk about
it a lot today, but we do talk about it, , historically on these
podcasts, and that’s our identity.
Is every little bit of content that we consume is building our identity
for the better or for the worse. It’s building us up, making more
confident in ourselves, making us feel the way we need to feel so we can
move forward and launch into our future, or it’s actually tearing us
down-
Yeah …
piece by piece by piece.
And so that’s the real reason we’re here having this conversation today.
Absolutely.
All right, Erin.
All right,
babe. This was a great conversation. Thank you so much for tuning in.
There is so much more to look forward to Erin and I have some plans to
really take this, this podcast to the next level.
We just met a couple of days ago about that. Yeah. So look forward to
seeing some of those, um, changes coming in the near future. But most
importantly, we love you. We appreciate everybody that, that takes their
time out of their week and their day to listen to us, to be a part of
our community, and we will see you next time.
Take care.
Love
you
guys. Have a good
week. Bye-bye. Bye.
we are so thankful for you and your beautiful family and hope you found something inside today's episode that brought you hope inspiration, and most importantly, a path forward. If you're interested in evolving your relationship, giving your kids the most important gift of personal growth and development, or are a mom looking to reconnect with your confidence and become empowered in all areas of your life.
Then schedule a discovery call with us today. Our mission is to help as
many families as possible, find their purpose. And that starts with you.
See you in the next episode, my friends.
