WHY PURSUING YOUR OWN DREAMS CAN HELP YOUR TEEN OR YOUNG ADULT FIND
THEIRS
Extraordinary Purpose Podcast Hosts: Chris Adang and Erin Verdis
EPISODE TOPICS Parenting teens and young adults; teen motivation; young
adult motivation; confidence; identity; purpose; direction; personal
growth; parent coaching; resilience; vulnerability; connection; screen
time and distraction; helping teens find their path; helping young
adults find direction.
ABOUT THIS EPISODE How can parents help a teen or young adult find
greater motivation, confidence, direction, and purpose? In this episode,
Chris Adang and Erin Verdis explore an often-overlooked answer:
reconnecting with your own identity, dreams, goals, passions, and
personal growth. The conversation goes below the surface of low
motivation, distraction, screen time, and uncertainty to examine how
parents can model resilience, vulnerability, curiosity, growth, and
meaningful living.
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
You know, what your kids go through with you sometimes in some of those
darkest moments of your life is they watch you rise above. Yeah. They
watch you build that resilience. They, they’re watching you get up and
fight for your life and rebuild yourself and rebuild your identity.
And can I tell you, sometimes those are the strongest kids that come out
of sometimes those environments where it’s been tough and it’s been
challenging. Yeah. Welcome to the Extraordinary Purpose Podcast, where
we explore some of the truly difficult questions and challenges that
parents and their families face every day. Whether it’s the sometimes
painful process of parenting teens and young adults.
Navigating relationships with your partner and children, or you
discovering your purpose in relationship with yourself, we will bring
heartfelt and vulnerable conversations to the table to support and
empower you. Our mission is to help you create a lifestyle full of love,
passion, adventure, and influence. Here we go Aaron, are you ready? I’m
so ready.
You out there, are you ready? Let’s do it. Let’s go. It is time for
another, , exciting episode of the Extraordinary Purpose Podcast.
I’m Chris, and I am here with the stunning and magnetic Erin Verdis.
What’s up, sweetheart? Hi, babe. How’s it going?
It’s going great. Woo. How’s everybody doing out there? Thank you so
much for being back with us.
It is that time. It’s time for another powerful conversation, for us
parents to come together, work on probably the most important things
that there are, ourselves. Mm-hmm. And that’s why we’re here today.
And, Erin, would you like to introduce the topic? You want me to? No, I
got it, babe. Okay, let’s- Yeah, it’s exactly what Chris said.
We’re talking today about, you know, why pursuing your own goals, why
being in touch with who you are, your passions, your purpose, what you
are after in life, what lights you up, how that type of understanding
about yourself is the motivation that your kids need, that we’re all
looking for. It’s probably the most overlooked parenting strategy, if
you even wanna call it that. Mm-hmm. And it’s one of our core
principles.
It’s something that we talk about and practice every single day. That
doesn’t mean that we’re perfect, but the reason that it’s so important
is because we do talk to parents just like you, just like us, every
single day. And all the parents that reach out to us, it’s always about
their kids., Lack of motivation, and they’re always on their phone, and
they have no direction or purpose, and they’re not excited about
anything. , And they wanna know what to do about it.
And the truth is, like, yes, do Chris and I have an absolutely
incredible process to help young adults discover a lot of these things
about themselves? Of course we do. Mm-hmm. But so many times when I’m on
a lot of these sort of discovery calls with parents, what I, I wanna ask
them is, how is your life going?
Yeah. You know, like- Yeah … what are you up to, and what are you
focused on? Are you taking good care of yourself?
Are you modeling that for your kids? Because it makes such a difference.
So often we’re out there looking outside of ourselves, trying to find
the next big strategy, the next this, the next that, to help our kids,
and that’s okay. There’s a lot of great stuff out there, but the truth
is, it’s the, the little things we’re doing at home each and every day
consistently, all the time, that can make such a difference.
It can. And let’s get real for a second because, if you’re listening to
this live, you know, this is back to school season. Uh, Erin and I, we
have four kids, all teens and young adults, , in some of the busiest
years of being a parent. And we know personally how overwhelming that
can feel, how busy and chaotic that is, how stressful it can be.
And I’m not saying it’s bad, but it comes with a lot of those challenges
every- single day, every single moment of each day. And what that causes
is, is you lose touch with yourself in the process. Yeah. Yeah, and I
think, you know, we have two kiddos that are just going into high
school.
We have two young adults heading off to college, and then we have two
freshmen, starting ninth grade, which is so crazy, honey. I forget that
it’s actually, they’re all transitioning this year- Yeah … into the-
They’re all transitioning. It’s crazy …
the next chapter. So, you know, as freshmen, so my daughter, for
instance, her older brother, has been an athlete since he was a kid, and
so he, he kinda modeled a lot of that for her. And then Chris’s older
son is a lot more creative and artistic and, he has his own strengths
and then our other son, William, who’s also becoming a freshman this
year, um, is different. He’s more like Chris.
He’s more just, like, motivational. And you can tell he wants to be
athletic, and he’s trying to find his path. Yeah. And, you know, the way
that he has really discovered what he wants to do, going into his
freshman year and trying something new is, is through what Chris has
modeled for him.
You know, Chris is so great about talking about what he’s up to, about
his runs every day, about our business, about going to the gym, and he
loves to flex his muscles for William and show him what he’s up to. Of
course. Who doesn’t? And so he has modeled something so great for
William.
So William is w- doing cross country this year as a freshman. Yeah. He’s
not this naturally gifted athlete. Mm-hmm.
He’s never been a runner before. He’s not doing this for his dad. You
know, Chris and I both have told him a million times, “We don’t want you
doing this for us.” Mm-hmm. “If this is something you really wanna go
after, William, we want you to do it.” But because of what Chris has
modeled for him, what we’ve modeled for him- Mm-hmm …
um, all these, the past three, four, five years, he’s taking this upon
himself, and he’s running with it. Yeah. And it is so cool to watch.
Yeah.
I’m gonna jump in and share a little bit more about William because I
think it’s a, it’s a great story, and it’s a great result of really how
this can work. And all it takes is a little bit of a shift in
perspective. Erin mentioned a word right before we went live that I
think is really important for us parents to always remember and
practice, and that is patience. Mm.
Because sometimes, ’cause, you know, going back a few years ago, William
was struggling socially. You know, I know a lot of parents that we talk
to can, can relate to that. They’re struggling socially. He was
struggling to make new friends and meet new people, and he would not get
out of his comfort zone or try anything new for the life of him A lot of
anxiety.
A lot of anxiety that came along with that. But once again, that is what
a lot of young adults and teenager carries with them , these days.
Mm-hmm. Um, and here we are, fast-forward , two years, and you’re right,
he’s running cross country.
Not only running cross country, but loving it. Right. And he’s doing it
for his own reasons. , I think what’s most important to understand is
that when- Kids or teenagers and their young adults,, what we’re trying
to really help them with as parents is what we call going below the
surface.
All those symptoms that we talked about a few minutes ago, lack of
motivation, lack of direction and purpose, they’re not excited about
anything, they’re always on their phone, those are all symptoms of the
deeper challenge. And the deeper challenge is our kids are still
learning who they are. They’re still learning what matters to them,
what’s important to them, what they’re good at, what they’re not good
at. They’re still figuring out where do they belong, who do they belong
with, all of these really great questions And our role as parents, and
when we start to put the focus back on ourselves and remember our
journey and our passions and our interests and our challenges and all
these things, when we have these little conversations with our kids, and
that’s what got William to where he is today.
It wasn’t me telling him what to do or forcing him to join the team or
anything like that. It was , these little moments that him and I have
had over the past couple of years that have opened up his mind to some
of these different possibilities. And then he was the one to say, “Yes,
it’s time for me to go explore these things, try these things, go out
there and find myself.” And every door he opens, he learns a little bit
more about himself. Yeah.
Well, he is such a cool kid. He’s kinda one of those dream kids. He’s,
he’s coachable. He is.
He’s a sponge, he soaks it in. He’s so optimistic and positive. And
yeah, does he have a long way to go. He’s got so much to learn about
himself.
He’s gonna go through hard times. Like, he’s just starting high school,
but he’s a really fun kid to watch, like, sort of unfold, and watching
him develop has been, like, extraordinary. Yes. , When we think about
the things, yes, do we have to talk to our kids?
We have to sit down and talk about grades and talk about college and
talk about their struggles and the choices they’re making and their
friends and all of that. That’s all so important. But what w- we really
wanna ride home today is that they’re watching us in our friendships.
Yeah.
They’re watching us in our own struggles. They’re watching us in the
choices we’re making. And even though, as parents, and I am so guilty of
this, we want results, like, now. , I wanna see my kids, like, motivated
and doing all these great things, and all these things I’m kind of
modeling for them- Mm-hmm I, I want them to take hold yesterday.
We have to have patience. It’s exactly what Chris said a few minutes
ago. We gotta slow down a little bit and recognize that the seeds that
we’re planting for them, they will come to fruition over time. Yeah.
Yeah, I think what comes to mind, Erin, is that, you know, I think w-
it’s this sense of control that we just, we wanna have over our lives,
over our kids’ lives. Yeah. And one of the first things that I learned a
long time ago is that you cannot control other people, and our kids fall
into that category. Mm-hmm.
So all those things that you just listed, you know, grades and sports
and friends and where they go to college and what they study in college,
and what they decide to do with their life and their future, we would
love to be able to just figure all that out for them And just make it
all happen for them. We would do all the work. It’s- But that’s not how
it needs to go. It, it’s their life it’s their goals.
It’s their friends. They have to be the ones to figure all this out,
okay? And the second that they pick up on we’re trying to control them
and we’re trying to influence that too much, that’s when disconnection
starts to become a bigger problem between parent and young adult.
Mm-hmm.
And we don’t want that to be the case. We want for us to be connected
with our kids because we know when we’re connected, that’s when we can
be there for them in all the right ways, all the positive ways, all the
ways that we just described that I have with William. And I know that
that’s not always the case with some of our relationships with our kids,
it’s a very special situation that I do not take for granted because my
other son is a unique challenge. Him and I do not communicate well.
He doesn’t listen to everything that I say. But that’s okay, too,
because Erin’s right. Like, this is not on a timeline. Mm-hmm.
All we can do is, back to the control thing, is focus on what we do have
control over- Mm which is ourselves. Yeah, and, you know, that really
makes me think about if we can see it in a different light, if we could
see this, this stage of parenting as this opportunity for us to grow in
ways and expand and stretch ourselves in ways we’ve never had to before,
I think any parent out there listening right now who has teens and young
adults will agree this is the most expansive we’ve ever had to stretch
ourselves- Mm-hmm ? Because they- Yeah … hold up a mirror for us because
we’re constantly having to look at ourselves.
You know, when they trigger us, when they upset us, when we fly off the
handle, when we react, when we wanna control- Mm-hmm … when we wanna do,
we know we’re doing too much. And I talk to moms every day who are like,
“I’m still making their beds. I’m still doing this.” Yeah.
“I, I’m embarrassed to admit that I still do this for them. I still do
that.” And I’m like, “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s okay.” You know, we’re
learning ourselves. We’re still growing and figuring ourselves out.
But this stage of parenting has so much opportunity for growth and
expansion for ourselves as human beings. So that growth and expansion is
where the potential is. Mm-hmm. And it’s not just growth and expansion
for our kids.
Actually, the best way to help our kids is we need to be at our absolute
best. Okay? When we’re spread too thin and we’re going in a million
different directions, you know, that drains us. And when we’re worried
about their future and their goals and if they’re gonna be okay, that
drains us.
And the more we get drained, what happens? We’re not at our best. Yeah.
We’re not connected to what’s important.
Mm-hmm. And that’s unacceptable. Okay? That’s unacceptable.
We don’t want anybody to be in that situation to feel like you’re not
who you were born to be. You’re not at your best. We want for you to
feel great, It’s why we’re here today having this conversation, is
because the truth is when you feel your best, , and we’ll t- kind of
remind you what it’s gonna take to feel great, then you’re capable of
showing up as the parent that can have a tremendous impact on your
family, your kids, your partner Yeah, and I wanna speak to something
here because I think for some parents listening, including myself-
Mm-hmm and maybe most of us actually, ’cause nobody’s perfect we are
still becoming the people that we wanna become, and hopefully we always
are.
And I know a lot of parents struggle with a lot of guilt and shame,
well, maybe I didn’t model. All you guys sound like you’re modeling all
these great things for your kids- and that’s what this is about, is
being these great parents and modeling personal growth and athleticism
and all of that. And let me tell you, that is not what all of us- No …
model all the time.
And Chris and I both have, you know, different struggles and different
things- Mm-hmm … that we have a lot of regret and shame and guilt around
that we wish we would’ve done differently. Mm-hmm. And I just wanna say
that if you are a parent who has a lot of that guilt and shame, you
know, whether it’s your kids went through a divorce, I’ve shared this
for myself,, my kids went through their dad and I separating, getting
back together, separating again.
That can be very confusing for kids. Mm-hmm. I’ve struggled with alcohol
at different times in my life, and my kids had to go through some of
that with me. My kids had to move a lot- Mm-hmm …
because of their dad and I separating and getting back together. There’s
a lot of… There’s more, right? We all have our stuff.
Mm-hmm. And it can be really easy to beat ourselves up and feel like,
you know, what have I modeled for them? I’ve modeled nothing but strife
and struggle and challenge. And I wanna get tears right now because I
wanna tell you that that’s not true.
Yeah. You know, what your kids go through with you sometimes in some of
those darkest moments of your life is they watch you rise above. Yeah.
They watch you build that resilience.
They, they’re watching you get up and fight for your life and rebuild
yourself and rebuild your identity. And can I tell you, sometimes those
are the strongest kids that come out of sometimes those environments
where it’s been tough and it’s been challenging. Yeah. Now, if you’re a
parent who’s like, “Well, I’ve never dealt with any of that stuff.
Are my kids still- Am I still modeling something great for them?” Yes,
of course you are. But I really wanted to speak to that because I talk
to a lot of parents, especially a lot of moms, who’ve gone through a lot
of things- Mm-hmm … and they worry so much about what they’ve put their
kids through. And I’ve been there, and what I can tell you is when you
can kind of like really reframe that story and see it as my kids have
learned and grown up with me a little bit, I don’t know, I’ve seen some
pretty amazing results from kids that have gone through things like
that.
Wow. Yeah. And- I think the, the best thing to say to that is, you know,
that is life. Mm-hmm.
And I think oftentimes, and I know especially a while ago, I was not
good at being real with my kids, not being vulnerable with my kids. You
know, I tried to, tried to portray that I was perfect and that I had all
the answers and there was nothing ever wrong, especially when I was
going through a divorce. , But thanks to you, Erin, you know, I’ve
learned how to be much more vulnerable. Yeah.
And part of my relationship with William, part of the reason it’s so
strong- Yeah … and that he listens to me and acts on it in his own way
is because when you do share with your kids , it shows them that you’re
real. It lowers their defenses, okay? It shows them you’re not perfect,
you don’t have all the answers, that you do have challenges.
You’re talking about the real world, which by the way, your kids are on
the verge of entering the real world on their own. And if they don’t
know about these challenges and these things that we face as adults, no
matter what we’re talking about, then we are not preparing them for
their future. We’re not preparing them to persevere and overcome
challenges, and do things for themselves, and figure out things for, for
themselves. Mm-hmm.
Cannot emphasize how important that is. Yeah. And so if I could s- if I
could share with you one thing that I’ve done with, with William
especially, is being vulnerable. Yeah.
Talking about life every day with him, and him just listening and
learning, and then forming his own decisions on what to do with that
information. Yeah. I love that. And so as we start to think about,, how
do I start doing this, right?
If you are particularly a mom, and I know I say this a lot just because
we tend to be the ones in the car driving from here to there, doing
everything, although that’s actually not true in Chris’s case. He’s
actually- I’ve been doing a lot of that … he’s Mr. Mom, actually.
I have been this, this summer. Yeah. Yeah. 100%.
So if you’re thinking about, you know, how do I start making time for
myself? I, I wanna do this. I wanna model better things for my kids.
There’s things I wanna do.
I want them to see me pursuing my things. It’s reconnecting with
yourself. And I will tell you it’s not easy, there’s a lot of moving
parts- Mm-hmm … to raising teenagers.
It’s busy, especially before they start driving, and you’re having to
get them everywhere, and that might mean rearranging schedules, finding
ways to carpool, getting up at 5:30 in the morning instead of 6:30 so
you have that extra hour. Whatever it is, it’s like what we want you to
think about this week is just start taking some inventory, right? You
don’t have to change the world today or this week, but taking a step
back and thinking about your life a little bit. Where can I start
tweaking things?
How can I have somebody else drive him or her, there? You know, how can
I do this? How can I s- get up earlier? How can I have my partner help
out a little bit more?
Finding ways to start making space for the things that are important to
you, and letting your kids see you do that- Yes … and talking to them
about it I know we’ve mentioned on this podcast before that Erin’s book
idea, I’ve been wanting to write my book forever, and I literally just
got started recently, but I finally came up with a plan to start getting
up, even though school’s not back yet for us, to get up an hour and a
half earlier than I need to so I have time in the morning to start
writing. And so I shared it with my daughter Skyler on the way to
volleyball today. I told her that I got up early this morning and I
started writing, and she looked at me and she’s like, “Mom, I’m really
proud of you.
I’ve n- I know this has been important to you for a while.” And so
sharing that with her was, like, a first step for me. And so this week,
really just start to think about what is one thing you can do this week
to tweak your schedule a little bit to create some space for you, and
what’s one thing that you can really start working towards that you can
share with your kids? Yeah, because every parent that we talk to, and I
do mean every, and this includes us, our friends, other parents that we
know in our immediate circle, they all have dreams. ?
They all have things that they want for themselves in their life and
their family, But it, it’s all been put on the back burner. It’s all
been buried down deep. And when you bury something that’s important to
you, like a book, like a dream, like a business that you wanna start,
like a hobby that you wanna, that you’ve been thinking about for, for
months or years Something that you’ve been avoiding. Every day that
passes that you don’t connect with that or follow through on that-
Mm-hmm …
it pays a toll, and you don’t even realize it till it’s too late. Yeah.
And so Erin’s right, it’s time to start putting the spotlight, the focus
back on these most important parts of ourselves. And not just for us.
Remember, this is for our kids, too. Erin’s right. They’re watching.
They’re listening.
They’re paying attention. I hope that’s, if you took one thing away from
today’s conversation, it’s by doing these things and sharing these
things and talking about these things, it’s gonna make you feel great,
and that’s gonna help you in so many different ways, but most
importantly, or actually equally as important, it’s gonna help your kids
as well. Yeah. And I have a little tip for you parents.
If your kids happen to lose their ear pods, don’t buy ’em new ones. Oh,
yeah? Skylar lost her ear pods a while ago. Well, she didn’t lose ’em.
They’re in somebody’s car apparently. And her not having those in the
car for the last several weeks has, even though she loves to play her
music out loud, but, like, we’re listening to music together or we’re
talking. Wow. So if they lose ’em, don’t buy ’em new ones.
And by the way, it’s okay to tell them to take ’em out, to turn the
radio down. “Hey, I have something I wanna share with you.” Yeah. “This
is something I’m up to, and I just thought, I just kinda wanted someone
to talk to about ’em. I’m gonna share it with you.” Let ’em know you’re
nervous about something.
Let ’em know that you’re progressing in something in your life. They
might act like they could care less. They might be looking out the
window, but you are planting a seed. I promise that matters so much.
Right, ’cause that’s the other part of this, too, is you have to create
these intentional moments- Mm-hmm where you’re able to share, you’re
able to connect and be vulnerable. And we know that, that’s become
harder and harder. There’s a lot of distractions. There’s music, there’s
phones, there’s technology, there’s friends.
There’s so much noise. And so as parents, one of the best things that we
can do is create these moments, even if it’s just for a few minutes on
the ride to school or on the weekend at a restaurant, just so that you
can connect without distractions and have some of these most important
conversations. Yeah. And most importantly, take care of yourself this
week.
Yes. Find one thing that you’ve been putting off that you really wanna
focus in on, and take a couple steps forward. You got this. See you next
week.
Take care. Love you guys. We’ll see you next week. Bye-bye.
Bye. we are so thankful for you and your beautiful family and hope you
found something inside today’s episode that brought you hope
inspiration, and most importantly, a path forward. If you’re interested
in evolving your relationship, giving your kids the most important gift
of personal growth and development, or are a mom looking to reconnect
with your confidence and become empowered in all areas of your life.
Then schedule a discovery call with us today.
Our mission is to help as many families as possible, find their purpose.
And that starts with you. See you in the next episode, my friends.
ABOUT EXTRAORDINARY PURPOSE Extraordinary Purpose provides life coaching
for teens, young adults, college students, and parents. Our work helps
teens, young adults, and families build greater confidence, motivation,
direction, purpose, connection, and meaningful progress.
Learn more: https://www.myextraordinarypurpose.com/
Life Coaching for Young Adults:
https://www.myextraordinarypurpose.com/life-coaching-for-young-adults
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