EXTRAORDINARY PURPOSE PODCAST
Off Script With Chris & Erin: Parenting Teens, Young Adults & Making Room for You
Hosts: Chris Adang and Erin Verdis
Website: https://www.myextraordinarypurpose.com
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Editorial note: Formatted from the supplied transcript for readability, with host-name corrections and transcription markers removed. Spoken wording, repetitions, and conversational exchanges are retained. Speaker labels and timestamps have not been inferred. Some recognition errors or incomplete phrases may remain because this text has not been checked against the audio.
EPISODE OVERVIEW
Chris and Erin share a heartfelt check-in about parenting teens and young adults, reconnecting as partners, supporting children without trying to fix everything, personal identity, wellbeing, and making space for future dreams. They also discuss the origins of Extraordinary Purpose and their work as life coaches for teens, young adults, and parents.
OPENING EXCERPT: STAYING CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER
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even if you've been married for 30 or 40 years and you, you, you think, "I already know them. I already know what they're gonna say," you don't.
No
because we grow and we change and we evolve and expand every single day.
Even if you think you know your partner, they're different than they were just a week or two ago, I promise you. We have fresh perspectives. We live our individual lives within a relationship, and it's so important to ask similar questions often. If not, you know, at least a couple times a year, if not, you know, every couple months
WELCOME TO THE EXTRAORDINARY PURPOSE PODCAST
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Welcome to the extraordinary purpose podcast, where we explore some of the truly difficult questions and challenges that parents and their families face every day. Whether it's the sometimes painful process of parenting teens and young adults. Navigating relationships with your partner and children, or you discovering your purpose in relationship with yourself, we will bring heartfelt and vulnerable conversations to the table to support and empower you.
Our mission is to help you create a lifestyle full of love, passion, adventure, and influence. Here we go
WHY WE NEEDED A HEARTFELT CHECK-IN
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What's going on, Erin? How are you doing today?
I'm amazing.
Awesome. What's going on out there? How are you doing today? Hope you're doing awesome, too. Erin and I be the very first to welcome you to the Extraordinary Purpose Podcast with Erin and Chris. I'm, of course, Chris, and I am here with the absolutely... You know what?
I'm just gonna go for it, the extraordinary Erin Verdis.
Is that boring because it's in the title, Erin?
Not at all, babe.
Not at all.
Not at all
You know what? It feels good to be called extraordinary,
We love that word. And welcome, welcome, welcome. We're so excited to have everyone here
Yeah, it is a pleasure once again to have you join us for another incredible conversation.
And today's gonna be something a little bit special, a little bit different that Erin and I wanted to share with you. But before we do that, Erin, why don't we kind of tee it up a little bit? Let's warm up the audience. Does that sound good to you?
I love it
All right, Erin, so kind of just us to how we landed on what we're gonna talk about today
Yeah, I love this. So everybody can relate, everyone listening to this, parents, grandparents, even if you're a young adult listening to this, we know how incredibly busy and chaotic life can be, everyday life. You know, we were just talking about this before we hit record, this past week in our lives, and mainly mine was just so much going on.
My daughter is in volleyball, like I've mentioned. She had two games, a tournament, endless practices, our son William had cross country practices, and he had a meet. My mom was in town visiting. I had to go up to Michigan State University with my son for a parents' day to visit the campus. It was just a lot, and Chris and I were like, I don't wanna say strangers passing through the night 'cause we don't ever really feel like that, but we barely got to connect with each other.
It was a lot of, you know, "Hey, babe, love you. What's for dinner? See you tomorrow. Sorry, I'm gonna be home late." It was just a lot of that. So I'm sure you can relate to that, that's what a lot of our weeks look like. And I know what that's not every day or every week, but we are busy with teens and young adults, all of us, with dinners, with practices, with schoolwork, with careers, and it's really easy to feel disconnected from the most important person in that equation, and that's your partner.
Because when you are disconnected from your partner, and you let the days and weeks and months go by, there's just nothing as, as exciting to look forward to. You know, when I have those busy days and those busy weeks, the thought of coming home to Chris and talking about my day and jumping on the couch and watching a show together or eating dinner together, that can pull me through a really long, hard day.
That's my light at the end of the tunnel, and connecting with him like that, but it's easy to get disconnected. And so we had this amazing idea that, you know, we need to connect again, and so we're gonna be doing that kind of live today on this podcast with you, and, Chris, why don't you talk a little bit about what that's gonna look like?
So I just want to just emphasize Erin and I are parents, too. We're, obviously a couple. Everybody knows that who's been a fan of ours for a while. And so we struggle with a lot of the same things, actually all the same things as you do.
Mm-hmm.
And so whether it's the chaos of your day-to-day responsibilities of being a parent or having a full-time job and managing that with kids and life and chores and responsibilities and just anything else that gets thrown at you, we get it.
We feel it. And sometimes you feel it more than other times, but, you know, as Erin just said, coming out of a really busy week, Erin and I were feeling it. And so we wanted to take this opportunity, with you actually, to have a conversation with each other. And the purpose of this conversation is to go deep, to get curious, to connect with each other, conversations that we need to have to reconnect, not just with each other, Erin, but with our future and our goals
Mm-hmm.
things that are really important to us. It's a, it's a really a great chance to get a fresh perspective of our partner, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever is in this with you and if not, then you can find someone, a friend, a best friend
Yeah.
have this type of conversation with. But it's such an important opportunity to slow down, to regroup and connect. And so what Erin and I are gonna do right now is we are going to ask each other, questions, questions that are meant to be introspective, to really get to know each other again, in all the important categories and areas of our life. And so just a little heads-up, those categories are business and purpose, so just really reconnecting with, you know, the business that we run together, the reason we're doing it. The next category is parenting. Erin and I are both parents. If you're listening to this, you're probably a parent. And so we're gonna a- start asking each other questions about parenting what that looks like for us individually, so we can really be seen and be heard. We're gonna get into a category of personal identity and partnership so that we can connect and learn and grow together. We're gonna talk about our health and wellbeing. There is not a more important category to talk about as a couple than what each of us needs to feel good and to be good and to keep ourselves, moving forward in a positive direction. And speaking of positive directions, the last category of question, Erin, is gonna be future and dreams. And that's probably actually our favorite. Correct?
Yes, I would say so. I'm just so excited about these questions. And so just to let you know, Chris and I don't know what we're asking each other. We each have our own little list of questions here that have not been rehearsed ahead of time. Yeah. And, I just wanna... You know, we use this word a lot in this podcast, which is curiosity.
Yeah
you know, part of the reason we're doing this is for each other and for you all to, like, learn more about Chris and I and... But also to, help you recognize the importance of staying curious within your own relationship, and hopefully to give you a little inspiration and motivation if things are chaotic at home, if you feel like you're disconnected from your partner, you just feel like you wanna be closer.
Getting curious and slowing down and learning to ask your partner some questions, even if you've been married for 30 or 40 years and you, you, you think, "I already know them. I already know what they're gonna say," you don't.
No
because we grow and we change and we evolve and expand every single day.
Even if you think you know your partner, they're different than they were just a week or two ago, I promise you. We have fresh perspectives. We live our individual lives within a relationship, and it's so important to ask similar questions often. If not, you know, at least a couple times a year, if not, you know, every couple months
Yeah. 'Cause remember, we're all struggling, I don't care who it is we're talking about, me, Erin, you, out there, we're all struggling with something. And a lot of times, and I know that I'm speaking from my own personal experience here, we keep it inside. when you have someone like Erin in your life, when you have a partner, when you have that husband or wife or that meaningful person in your life, they play such an important role for you.
You can be seen and heard and loved and feel supported, and it can give you energy and it can give you hope and, and maybe most importantly, it can help you just get some of that pressure and weight off of your shoulders that just gets... It just starts piling up. Every volleyball game and every every fight with your kid or everything that doesn't go your way, it just becomes this weight, your partner is there to take some of that weight off, right, Erin?
Yeah, I love it. All right, let's dive in, babe. So I think I have our little agenda here. It looks like you're up first to ask me a question
right. one last thing. There's always a last thing,
of course, especially with you, honey
Erin and I, guys, call this a heartfelt check-in.
Mm-hmm.
coaching program. It's something that we teach our parents and, and our young adults, to be fair. And it's... So remember, this is about slowing down, it's about finding a quiet space, and it's about opening up your mind, your curiosity, turning off that judgment, and just listening, and sharing, and being vulnerable.
Mm-hmm.
So that sets the stage. Did I do a good job, Erin?
That was really good, honey. Yeah
Hey, sweetheart.
Yeah
BUSINESS AND PURPOSE: THE ORIGINS OF EXTRAORDINARY PURPOSE
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So my first question for you, because I love you and, I really wanna know, you think back to our early walks in the forests, walks together holding hands, talking about everything, but specifically talking about our future and eventually talking about the origins of Extraordinary Purpose, our brand,
Mm.
What was your original vision
Oh, wow
when we were first getting together and talking about those things?
Yeah. I love this question. So yeah, we did. We took a lot of walks in our favorite forest. So when Chris and I, when we very first met, honey, when we first met, the very first thing we worked on together was something similar to what we're doing now. We had this idea to create something. We didn't know what, but Chris was so passionate about working with young men and mentoring and coaching and inspiring and motivating them, and I have always had a passion and was coaching young women and moms at the time.
And then we switched gears a little bit because we loved our relationship so much, and we were building something so incredible, we created a couples program first called The Empowered Couple, which we still have. We gotta dust that off soon.
we do
And but something along, you know, our walks together in that forest, just talking and talking about our passions and talking about what we felt that we were called to this earth to, like, do and our contribution to people, it brought us back to working with young people again.
And, you know, interestingly enough, I feel like although our vision has evolved and expanded, the origins of it are very much what we originally envisioned. And so I always envisioned, at the end of the day, we call this Extraordinary Purpose 'cause Chris and I both believe that we all are brought here for something special.
We are born into this world, and we have a contribution to make, no matter how grand and on a huge scale it is or how simple it can be. But regardless, it's meaningful and just as important no matter what it is. And we wanted to create a process that helped young people, find out what their purpose is and really discover who they are so that they could make some bigger decisions in their lives, based on that rather than just blindly choosing a partner or blindly choosing a career path and really understanding who they are before they made some of these big decisions, and I think we have done such an incredible job doing that.
, We get the most incredible results for our clients, and it's, it's so, empowering, this work we do day in and day out. So that was the vision we had, and I believe that's what we're doing, which is so fun to think about.
It, it kinda reminds me, and I'll let you get to your question 'cause I loved what you just said. It kinda reminds me of just planting a seed,
Hmm.
And so we planted a seed, like the idea of this brand and of kind of the origins of what we would do and who we would help kinda came to us while we were on a walk. It didn't come to us, you know, sitting in an office somewhere. You know, it was out in nature, which by the way, that's one of our f- absolute favorite places.
Mm-hmm.
we come to life. It's where our imagination opens up and all these different possibilities come to us. And do agree, honey, that I think that ever since that seed was planted, it's just grown,
Yeah
And it's gone in a couple different directions, but all branches of the original seed, the original idea
Yeah. I love it. And this was all from Chris and I, this was from our own life experience, our work experience, and it was so much fun to talk through all of that all those years ago, and we still do it all the time, but I love that question. Okay. My question to you in business and purpose is, so what has...
BUILDING A BUSINESS AND BELIEVING IN EACH OTHER
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It's funny, not too far off actually. So what has building this business together taught you about who you are, babe, beyond your ability to work hard and get things done? So what has it taught you above and beyond those everyday things of getting results and working hard?
Wow. That is such a great question. It's funny because working hard and getting things done, that's always been... If you've, you know my history and my, what I've done for my career, like, that was kinda my MO, was getting things done and working hard and doing a really good job and moving forward in some ways. And I think what, what happened, Erin, when, when you and I met, and not that I was already a dreamer. I was a dreamer. I've been a dreamer my entire life. But when you and I met, something really magical happened. It's the only way I can describe it, is it, it took that dream and it made it possible. It's the only way that I can really describe it, and I love thinking about this because it's not that you or I wouldn't have been successful without each other. I, I believe in you. I know you're so much talent, and you've done great things. You're gonna do more great things. But special happened when we came together that we literally lifted each other up and believed in each other so much and made each other better that it made not only our individual goals, more of a reality, but I think it made us better together,
Yeah
And that's what I really, I just, I'm so full of gratitude and so appreciative of that role that you play in my life. You're not just my partner or my wife and that person, you know, but you're part of the reason I am who I am, and, that means a lot to me. And so no, it's made an incredible difference, and I think that's been the biggest shift for me, is that when I met you, I think the ceiling that was already pretty high, probably for both of us, it just got shattered, and now it's sky high, way up in the mountains, and we're on our way, and I love that about us
Yeah. I love that, honey. And yeah, I agree completely, and I think, you know, something as I was coming up with some of these questions, I was obviously thinking about my own answers, and just thinking that I think so much of what both of us have learned is we've learned from each other. You know, from each other's strengths and each other's mistakes,
and we've been able to really... And we've done a podcast on this, seeing our differences as our strengths, and we've, you know, this has not been an easy road building this business. Anybody out there who's built a business, who's an entrepreneur knows, and, you know, there's been plenty of times we thought about letting it go or giving up.
Like, not really, but we had those moments, and we have learned how to lift each other up in beautiful ways and continue to plow forward and move forward. So I love that. Okay, next question
PARENTING TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS: REGRETS AND ROOM TO GROW
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Next question. So now we're moving on to the parenting category, which obviously that's very meaningful to us and probably you listening as well. Erin, what's something you understand about parenting now that you wish you'd understood when the kids were much younger?
Oh, boy.
I know.
That's a loaded one, honey.
Yeah, so no, it's, it is, but, it's obviously something I, I consider all the time, and I think we all do as our kids become older teens and young adults. I try, you know, Chris knows this about me, I, I can drown a lot, and I think a lot of parents, but I think a lot of moms especially feel that we can get lost in that rabbit hole of like, "I wish I would've done this.
I wish I would've done that. If only I had tried this, or if I would've stood my ground, if I would've done..." So I live in that space a lot, and it's not, I think it's okay to live there to, you know, kind of if you're trying to grow and continue learning about yourself, but we don't wanna get stuck there.
No
, I think I followed my intuition in a lot of ways as a, as a m- from the time I was pregnant with my son, I followed my intuition.
I think I, I have been my own parent, and I made more unconventional choices for my kids. But there are times where I, I'm not a very black and white person. I,
Mm-hmm..
that's what makes me a great coach. I'm a very gray area person. I can see all kinds of different perspectives, and I love that about myself.
But as a parent, that can be challenging sometimes. And so I think it's worked really well in a lot of ways, and in other ways, I wish I was a little bit more black and white at times, where it was like, "No, this is just what we're doing. You're doing this, end of story.", And just in terms of, you know, making them go on certain trips that I wish I would've had my son go on when he was a younger teenager and, you know, things like that.
But I would say that's probably the biggest thing is I wish sometimes I was, was a little bit more black and white, kind of stood my ground a little bit more. That being said, I think my kids are who they are because I gave them a lot of room to find their own path and figure out their own way, in a lot of respects.
So, you know, it's always h- in hindsight, 20/20. It's hard to, . i think we can always go back and wish we would've done things a little bit differently. Does that answer, does that, is that a good answer?
that's a great
Okay.
The thing that comes to mind is that, you know, why are we having this conversation? Why did I ask you that question? It's, it's not so that we can beat ourselves up or you can beat yourself
Mm-hmm.
so you can just feel good and see the positives and all the difference you made in your kid's life. Ultimately, if there was things you wish you could've done differently, you learn from it and you focus on moving forward. I know that sounds very cliche, but it's also a very difficult thing to do.
It is, but you know that, I love that, babe, because the truth is that even when your kids get to be, my son's 19 now, but there's things that I have learned so much about myself, about young adults, about parenting through the work that Chris and I do. And so I will say there's times where I think, "I wish I would've dove into this work more when my kids were a little bit younger," because I could have brought more of this as they got older.
But it's never too late, guys. Like, truthfully, you are, I mean, my, I think I've said this before, my mom still parents me sometimes. You know? She still helps me look in the mirror and see myself at times. And so it's never too late. If you look back and you do think, like, "God, I wish I would have done some of these things when my kids were younger.
Now it's too late. They're young adults," no way. You know, you can continue expanding your parenting, your viewpoint, and continue growing and learning and bring that into their lives, no matter how old they are.
Yeah, absolutely
HELPING VERSUS FIXING: LETTING GO OF WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL
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Yeah. All right. My question for you, honey, in parenting. Uh-oh, this is a good one. Okay. When one of our kids is struggling, how do you recognize when your desire to help is turning into a need to fix?
Oh, wow. You know me well. Yeah, I, I think that this is probably pretty common, but definitely with me, I'm very much a fixer. I am somebody that wants to probably the situation in certain cases, or I have that initial desire to. With that being said, I think I've definitely gotten better at it. In terms of knowing, you just kind of start to become a little bit more present, a little bit more mindful. I start to notice how I feel. I think if you've been listening to this podcast, you know that my youngest son, William, our youngest son, William, he's had some, illnesses and migraines and things like that that's kind of kept him out of school off and on since school started this year, actually last year too a little
Mm-hmm
And that's been hard for me because, it's made for me to want to kind of sometimes interject myself into his life a little bit more and, try to fix something that sometimes you can't always fix,
Mm.
And I think that's the key thing that I've learned mainly through experience. You hear it, but I think you've really got to experience it and understand it so that you can start to practice it and get better, it happened again this morning. I'll be very honest with all of you. Happened again this morning. It showed up, a situation similar to that, and instead of overreacting, or I should say reacting in the moment and getting all stressed and overwhelmed and worried about his future and worried about if he was gonna be able to go to school and do all the things that I want for him to do to be a happy, successful young man, let it go. I literally took a deep breath. I luckily was at the gym, Erin. Um,
Your favorite place
My favorite place, but also just I was able to just let it pass. I was able to take a few deep breaths. I was able to ground myself. I was able to literally let it go
Mm-hmm.
on other things because that was something that I had no control over.
Yeah
it's something we talk about every day in our coaching is letting go of things you can't control, and it's a whole nother thing to be in the situation yourself, parents, and being able to navigate that and get to the other side, and yet I was able to do it this morning, and so it's about taking small steps.
I'm not gonna sit here, Erin, and say that I'm perfect when it comes to handling those moments and those situations with our kids, but I think I'm definitely more equipped.
Mm-hmm.
been intentionally practicing and working on, and my goal is to keep getting better
Yeah, I love that. And you were great when you texted me this morning. I didn't read any reaction I could just sense your energy through the text. You were very calm. And you know, guys, this is the thing. We... So much opportunity to grow and learn and evolve through being a parent,
And so here's the thing, we have so much opportunity to continue growing and evolving and learning about ourselves through our kids. And when we can learn how to slow down
Mm-hmm.
be more mindful of when we're trying to control and fix a situation, the growth that happens within us by not doing that and learning how to do what you did this morning, which is step back and just let the situation unfold, and I feel like I'm getting better at that, too.
And man, you feel so much more empowered and so much more in control of yourself, and therefore, you feel more in control of your life, and then you can show up for your kids in a much more powerful way than if you were reacting and trying to fix. So it's-- That's amazing.
that, that's it. Thank you,
Love it. All right
category. Are we ready?
I'm ready
is personal identity and partnership.
Okay.
keep it going
PERSONAL IDENTITY: MAKING ROOM FOR YOURSELF
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honey, you give so much as a mom, as a partner, and as a coach. What part of Erin are you making more room for right now?
Hmm. Really good question.
Thank
, I think I-- it's at the forefront, which I love.
Yeah
I can say that makes me really happy.
Me too
am really focused on just my creativity right now, you know, bringing to life my book and really reflecting on my journey, my stories, doing a lot of writing, and also just how that all ties into my personal brand, alongside of Extraordinary Purpose and where I'm going with that and how I wanna bring that to life through more solo podcasts and reaching more moms and young women.
, I'm also focused on my own, like, health and wellness, you know, really... I've done a lot of, like, emotional and psychological work on myself. I think I've done a lot of, like, inner work on myself over so many years, and I love that. And now I'm focusing more, probably 'cause I'm getting older too, and perimenopause and all those changes kind of forces you to look at my physical health as well and just taking better care of my body through, you know, different modalities of continuing to heal, you know, chiropractic care and acupuncture, and I'm kind of focusing in on all of that stuff right now.
And I love it. It makes me feel so much more in control of myself and my future, my longevity, my energy, my hormones, like, all of that stuff. So although it can be a tricky time of life, if you're focused on it in a really positive way and you're taking control of things, I don't know, I've never felt better and more in control of myself in my life.
So my creativity, my personal brand, and my physical wellbeing are some things I'm really focused in on right now.
You know what, honey? You
Yeah
me happy is to know that you're finally making time for yourself for those most important things, your, especially your creativity and your health and your wellness.
Mm-hmm.
That those are such important things for you, and I know that there's been times where you've had to deprioritize some of those things for other things, kids and family, and us sometimes, our business. The, the ironic thing, babe, the more that I think about it now is that I feel so wonderful knowing that you're prioritizing those things now because I have a great feeling that if you continue to do that, more great things are gonna happen for us, the kids, the family, the business.
Yeah
ironic thing about all of this
Mm-hmm. I love that. Thanks, Bev. Great question.
Yeah
SELF-DOUBT, VULNERABILITY, AND FEELING ENOUGH
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What's something, Chris, that you're still learning to believe about yourself? And follow-up question, how does that affect the way you show up for our family?
Oh, boy. A tough one. I think that for anybody that works with me or, or knows me, they know, like, I appear to be a very confident, motivated, show up very well, lot of energy. However, like a lot of people, maybe most people, right below the surface, there's a lot of, doubt. And in my case, there's a strong sense of, "Am I enough?
Am I doing enough? Am I enough? Am I doing the right thing?", Which in many ways sometimes tries to hold me back.
Yeah
only share that with you, babe, because, that's just part of who I am. You know, I think that I've carried that with me for a long time. For a long time, it probably controlled me a lot more than it does now, So for a long time, like, I think it really did hold me back, that's not to say I wasn't successful. But I don't think I was as happy or as successful as I could've been because it was holding me back step of the way, and so
Mm-hmm.
to think about when you have these, like, th- what I struggle with.
I know a lot of people have a similar or different type of, uh, voice or belief that holds you back. Think about if... And I've been working on this, Erin, and you know I've been working on
Mhm
it, how to let go per the, I- ironically, per the previous question, learning how to accept things a little bit more, and learning how to, and, Erin, you have-- I've shared this with the, the audience before, I've shared this with you before, learning how to be authentic and real and vulnerable and opening up a lot more. That's something that I also wasn't great at when we first met, and lucky to have a wife and a partner like you who created the space for me to be able to do that, to be myself, and to not hold myself back. Because it's helped me believe in myself. I will just add in, we've been talking about this too, is that I think you see the best in me,
Hmm.
even when I don't see it in myself.
Yeah
You believe in me when I don't always believe in myself.
Yeah
you know what I'm capable of, just like I know what you're capable of, and I think we probably both saw that in each other when we first met on our first date. I know that I saw that in you. like, something happened where I'm like, "I saw your future," not just our future. I'm like, "This woman is incredible." Like, I would be in absolute privilege just to be a part of her life in some way, shape, or form.
Oh,
felt
me... Thank you.
You're
Really good answer.
Thank
great ending. I love that.
Yeah. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, way to, way to wrap it all up, a little, uh
I know. All right, let's get going. We,
Yeah.
we still have two more questions.
two more
Hold on.
HEALTH AND WELLBEING: COMING BACK TO YOURSELF
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and I think our next que- our next category is, you mentioned this being a really important category for you, so I'm kinda curious where this is gonna go, but health and wellbeing. Erin, life feels full and everyone needs something from you, I'm sure that feels familiar,
Mm.
what helps you come back to yourself, and how do you notice you need it in those moments?
Hmm. This is something else I think I, I've actually gotten really good at in the last year, maybe two years of my life, is recognizing this, and not just knowing what it is, but actually practicing it. And that is just, you know, getting quiet. You know, I have a lot of rituals that help me a lot, and I've learned these rituals through struggling with anxiety and, you know, I've talked about this before on this podcast that I've struggled with alcohol in my life on and off, and I had to find ways to work with my, my monkey mind, right?
That mind and, and the inner dialogue with myself. So meditation is a huge one for me.
Mm.
meditation, making time to journal, and so that I can kinda like work through all of my thoughts and emotions on paper. And then, you know, more recently I found this incredible app that I live by, and I'm not promoting it or anything here, but it's called Activations, and the woman who started this app is, her name's Mimi Richard.
But go check this out. I think you get two weeks free. This ac- this, app has changed my life. It's just all of these incredible like pep talks and motivational meditations, and there's one for like every aspect of your life, and I just have that in my back pocket all the time when I need it. But it took me a long time to figure out what I needed, and then actually start practicing these things every single day.
, So yeah, I would say it's just a lot of mindfulness techniques and a lot of breathing and ways to just really, what I call coming back home to myself where I feel safe.
I love that.
Yeah.
Thanks, honey
KNOWING WHEN TO PUSH AND WHEN TO SLOW DOWN
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Yeah. Absolutely. All right, so health and wellbeing for you, babe. How are you learning to recognize the difference between needing to push yourself and needing to give yourself a break at times?
You really do know me well. All right. Well, so once again, definitely a pusher. If you go back to my, my early career, it was push, push, push. It was grind, grind, grind. Um, that was a big part of my mindset. That's a big part of how I, saw success, was hard work and long hours and this, this, you know, unwavering commitment to doing, literally whatever it takes around the clock. of course, with experience, you realize that that's not the formula for any type of happiness or any type of success or any type of results. And so, as I got more experienced and, especially once I got into personal development, babe, you start to understand what it takes to really be happy and successful,
Mm-hmm.
what that really looks like.
And so in this case, in my case, it was about, I hate to say balance 'cause that's kind of an overused word, but it really is about balance. It's about really having all the ingredients, or c- I should say not all having, but in connecting with all the important ingredients in your life whatever those ingredients are.
Erin just mentioned a few of hers, and connecting with those on a regular basis. And, uh, for me, for me to be the best husband, to be the best coach, to be the best father, there are things that I have to do every single day to take really good care of myself.
Yeah.
and we talked about I was in the gym this morning. Um, if I don't go to the gym... The gym is not just about getting strong, getting big muscles. I have those. Let's be very honest. Correct, Erin? That's so ridiculous.
I'm kidding, of course. But did that help me, navigate a challenge that I experienced? Did it help me take care of myself in those moments so that I can get out on the other side? And, know, something I always say is what- whatever environment we're talking about, and so Erin and I have a lot of really positive environments besides our home office, besides our downtown office, that we spend time in.
We spend time in the gym, uh, we spend time in the sauna, the steam room, the hot tub. We go walking in the forest. We spend time with our kids. You know, we do all... Journaling and meditating, we do all of these things. Why? Because they help us come back to ourselves. They help us stay grounded. They help us feel the way we need to feel so that when I'm coaching and when I'm talking on this podcast, and Erin, when I'm there for you and we're having a great conversation, we're gonna be a little bit stronger.
We're gonna be able to be a little bit more focused. We're gonna be a little bit more of ourselves so that we can give more of ourselves. And so I think that's been the biggest lesson, is that, in the previous question I think I talked about, like, that self-doubt that stuff holding me back.
Yeah
part of the reason we have these rituals is so that you're coming back to yourself. You're reconnecting with the best parts of yourself so that when you go to work, and you're a parent, and you're hanging out with friends and family, and you're doing your hobbies, you're yourself. You're... So therefore, you're gonna get better results.
And so ironically, to kinda wrap up that question, babe, it's been about slowing down.
Mm.
push. And this is something that I I talk about with young adults all the time because this is what young adults do. When you're young, it's go, go, go. On, you're five steps ahead at all different times of the day. that's not how you get good results. That's not how you feel good.
It's all about slowing down, going slower, because when you go slower, that's when you're really capable.
Yeah.
learned, babe
I love that. Love it.
Thank
right, last two questions. Let's wrap it up
All right. Actually, it's the last question, babe.
Oh, yeah.
and dreams.
Okay, perfect.
let's just keep it going, though. Let's just
Yeah, let's just sit here all day.
just
love this.
because this is such a great conversation, and so why would you stop something that's so wonderful, and we feel good talking with each other, and we're talking about the most important things,
why would you stop?
Yeah.
w-
maybe other people wanna get on with their day.
They probably do. Okay. So sweetheart,
Mm-hmm.
FUTURE AND DREAMS: CREATIVITY, COURAGE, AND WRITING A BOOK
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my last category of a question is in future and dreams. And the question is, is what dreams feel most alive for you right now, and who do you need to become to make room for it?
Oh, wow.
a big one.
Yikes, honey.
Boom.
All right, so
'Cause so this is the last question, the last answer. Well, I'm gonna go after you, but this is the last question. You gotta bring this one home. Do you got what it takes?
I got what it takes. Of course I do. Of course I do. All right, so this kind of is, you know, piggybacking off, I think, a couple questions ago, but some of the dreams that I'm really working on right now is, are more, like, creative driven. So working on my book is huge, and I have some even bigger, like, creative projects up my sleeve that I wanna see come to life in my lifetime.
And so I would say just in general is, is just kind of bringing this focus back to my creativity and things I wanna bring to life, particularly my book right now. And who I need to become and what I need to bring that to life is, is clear to me, is that I need... It's not just about needing more discipline, right?
That's an easy thing to say. I need to be more disciplined. I need to get at my computer more often. Is I need to become a couple things. One, somebody who can learn to let go a little bit more, meaning let go of needing everything else around me to be a certain way, needing everything to be just so for my kids and the house to be a certain way and for, you know, to stop micromanaging everything so that I can back off a little bit more often and create space for myself to work on these creative projects.
To, if I need to go away for two or three days to write and not be interrupted, to be able to do that. And so just really learning to be more flexible, learning to let go, learning to ask for what I need and be more unapologetic about taking time for myself. I think it's really easy as a mom, no matter how old your kids get for that matter, you know, but especially when they're still living at home and they're teenagers, is to feel like you need to do everything.
And I have been a single mom for such a long time. It's just me. I mean, Chris is an incredible partner, incredible co-parent for my kids. But you know, even before him, I was doing a lot of this on my own. And so learning to leave things in his hands a little bit more at times, 'cause I know he supports my dreams so much.
Learning to let my kids know, "Hey, this is important to me. This is a, a dream I'm working towards. I need you guys to hold down the fort for a couple days so I can go write." So learning to ask for what I need, be more unapologetic, learn to let go more, and give myself the space that I need to work on some of these projects
And how does it feel, babe, to, to share that out loud?
It feels like a weight just came off of me
I can tell.
to say that out loud. Yeah
and as your husband, as your partner, business partner, I, I really cherish, and I think it's obviously an opportunity for me to, to be there for you, to help you create that space. Sometimes that's me probably taking on more responsibility or taking some of that responsibility off of your plate. Just reminding you to prioritize this. I think that you need that sometimes. I know you. Sometimes you just need that reminder or that nudge, I don't necessarily think it's always just discipline with you. I think you are getting pulled because you're an amazing mom in a million different directions, and in the moment, those are always gonna feel more important. And yet, I hope what we've... Part of this conversation that I've learned is that these are actually the things, if you connect with them and follow through with them, that are gonna make you a better mother and a better partner and all of those things
I love that. It's so true. And one last little thing I'll add is,
Yeah
who do I need to become is also somebody who believes in myself and believes that I, that these dreams can become a reality. I think a lot of times, you know, the reason we aren't, quote-unquote, disciplined enough, the reason we are, we, we feel like we need permission, or the reason we don't let go and we put a lot of other things before our dreams is 'cause we're afraid.
You know, what if I put all this time and energy into this and it doesn't go where I'd like it to go? And so you have to, you know, I have to believe in myself more, and a lot of things follow, follow from there. So thanks for that question, honey. That was really powerful. All right, truly, truly our last question.
WHAT COMES NEXT AS OUR KIDS BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT
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Let's do it
, Not too far off from yours, honey. Great minds think alike. So as our kids, of, as all four of our kids are becoming more independent, what do you want us to move towards together?
Oh, yeah.
as a, as a family and, and you and I
It's interesting because, you know, we are now... Am I allowed to share that we're both over 50?
Well, you just did. No, I think we've already shared that.
like a... That is so wrong.
Um, I'm not over 50, actually. I am 50. You're over 50.
is, well, a good point.
Yeah
don't feel it though, and I think that that's kind of the message that I wanted to share with you, babe, is that, one, I don't feel it.
I feel like we have this huge runway in front of us. I feel like we're continuing to get better. I think that, yeah, the kids are getting older. Um, our relationships with them are evolving, I think, for the most part, in a very positive way.
Mm-hmm.
I think it's putting us into a position where, you know, we're gonna be able to continue to level up all of our goals and all of our dreams.
And, you know, some of the f- first ones that kinda come to mind, we're gonna travel more, you know, we're gonna spend more, we're gonna have more experiences, get out and just, uh, just see the world in different ways. I mean, a small example of that is we're getting to the Smoky Mountains this Thursday for a
Yeah
short getaway, which I'm super excited about.
So excited
Yeah. But bigger trips around the corner. Much, much bigger things with our business we have to remind ourselves, I have to remind myself, and I know you have to remind yourself sometimes, is that we've come so far.
I know. We've come so far and it's so easy to not always see that in the moment
We've done so much. I mean, Erin and I, for those of you who are getting to know us, we've been together going on six years. so we, in that six-year span, we have fallen in love. We have, built a business. We've built a family. We've done all of these... We've had countless experiences and adventures, and we've traveled.
We've been to Puerto Rico multiple times. We've taken so many different road trips. We've gone on so many different camping trips and
We got married.
g- And right, got married in between. S- sorry, babe. Right. Exactly. So we also got married through all that. The point is, is sometimes on the difficult days where everything feels heavy, you forget about all of those things, and it's just what we're not doing and how it's not enough and how we want more. Which is true, but in order to get the more, which is all the stuff that you and I have to look forward to, is we need to spend time like this talking about all of our successes and all of... all the things we've done, all the things to be proud of. Our kids are all turning out to be incredible human beings who are gonna go out and do bigger and better things than we're ever capable of, and I can't wait for that, and I love to help to play a small role in their life in that way just to... I can even plant one little seed that helps them go out and do what they're gonna do, that makes me feel good. But then also just knowing that you and I are just getting started,
Yeah,
and I
love that
who's listening to this, I hope that there's still that seed in your mind too that you're also... I don't care if you're 70 years old, been together for 30 or 40 years, you're just getting started,
Mm-hmm.
your kids are young adults and they're getting ready to go off to college or out of college and going out and doing their own thing, this is your chance to go out and make whatever those goals and dreams are. And Erin and I talked about, each other about our goals and dreams today. You're just getting started. Now is our chance. And so, Erin, that's how I feel. Like this is a big chance for us, a big opportunity for us, and I don't wanna waste it
YOUR INVITATION: START A DEEPER CONVERSATION
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I love that, honey. Amazing. All right, guys. Well, we hope, as always, that this served you in some way. You know, take some inspiration from this. Have some great conversations with your partner. Come up with some great questions. Go out for dinner, get cozy by the fireplace, go on a walk. Ask each other some of these deeper questions.
It really sparks such a beautiful conversation about where you are now, where you're headed, and reflecting on how far you've come. So important. All right, guys, we love you, and have a beautiful week, and we'll see you when we get back from the Smoky Mountains
See you guys. Have a great week. Bye-bye
Take care.
CLOSING AND COACHING INVITATION
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we are so thankful for you and your beautiful family and hope you found something inside today's episode that brought you hope inspiration, and most importantly, a path forward. If you're interested in evolving your relationship, giving your kids the most important gift of personal growth and development, or are a mom looking to reconnect with your confidence and become empowered in all areas of your life.
Then schedule a discovery call with us today. Our mission is to help as many families as possible, find their purpose. And that starts with you. See you in the next episode, my friends.
